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I’m often asked about my ability to be vulnerable. Until now, I’ve responded with the same answers. 1. I’ve had tons of therapy. 2. I have no shame. 3. Whatever I’m going through someone else has already overcome it. Last week my therapist asked if I’ve ever blogged about shame. I said, the theme is woven into a lot of my posts, but I’ve never dedicated a whole post to the topic. This Truth Tuesday I’ll be discussing how one of my top 3 answers is incorrect and my current battle with shame.
This weekend I listened to one of Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations Podcast. It was the episode titled “Rising Strong” and Oprah’s guest was Brene Brown. One line that struck a chord with me was “Vulnerability is the best measure of courage”. I immediately thought, wow that’s so true because every time I pull out my laptop and write a vulnerable blog post I finish feeling courageous. Vulnerability is the killer of shame! As I’m able to be open and honest with yall it slowly releases the power shame has over me. I’ve changed my thoughts from I have no shame to…although I have shame my vulnerability is more powerful and pushes me to share.
It’s quite ironic that I’ve been saying I have no shame, and the current reason I’m in therapy deals largely with shame. Remember the blog Signed Sincerely Yours, Tribeless? I’m still dealing with the effects of not having a tribe/squad/circle of friends. This has been a very shameful thing for me this year. I listened to a podcast by one of my favorite bloggers and she stated if you’re in your 30s and don’t have friends that is a red flag for her. I obsessed over that comment for DAYS!!! I would sit and break down my life piece by piece trying to figure out what’s wrong with me and why people weren’t willing to have me as a valuable part of their life and share those amazing intimate moments, memories and experiences.
I’m constantly at some type of event and I meet a lot of people. I feel shame every single time someone mentions their best friend, and I think I don’t have one (besides Hutch). I feel shame because it’s summertime and I’m on social media scrolling through TONS of girls trip pictures. I feel shame when people ask me about having a baby, (YALL FOR REAL STOP ASKING ME!!!!!) and I think about not being able to have a baby shower because I have no friends to throw me one. I feel shame when people mention their amazing, encouraging group texts. I carry a huge load of shame around this subject and a lot of self-doubt. But, one of the most beautiful things about me is I’m NOT afraid to feel. That allows me to honestly and openly share my feelings (including shame) with all of you.
So, the next time someone asks me how I’m able to be so vulnerable, I will no longer say it’s because I have no shame. Instead I’ll say my superpower is vulnerability and that easily defeats shame any day of the week.
Is shame a topic that rears its ugly head in your life?
Until next time loves…