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A few weeks ago I started seeing ads pop up for this card game called The And by a company called Skin Deep. It sounded pretty cool, and after the 5th time I saw the ad I went ahead and purchased it (great marketing, because you got me). To give you a brief summary The And is a “relationship card games, designed to spark fresh conversations within established, long-term relationships”. I thought since we’re quarantined and spending so much time together this game would be a great way to guide us into having some amazing thought provoking conversations. This Truth Tuesday I want to talk to yall about our experience playing The And, Long Term Couples Edition.
Sunday night we were lying in the dark because there was a storm that afternoon that cut off our electricity. I told Ant the cards had been delivered, but they were still in the mailbox. He got his flashlight, went outside to grab them and we prepared to play the game. You start by selecting 12 cards, sitting face to face and taking 30 seconds to relax and look at each other. So, there we were sitting the in dark in total silence yet the room was filled with heaviness that was ready to be unleashed.
We’ve been in quarantine since March 14th which has had its pros and cons. I require a lot of alone time, but being in the house with 3 other people 24 hours a day doesn’t really leave too much alone time. Especially when 2 of those people are 7 months. We’ve had some trying times and a lot of useless conversations. I say useless because we didn’t bring our best selves. Instead there were conversations were Hutch and Stew sent their huge egos to the table to serve as their representatives. Those egos were battered fighters. I’ve used this term before in reference to a John Mayer line “all you need is love is a love cause we had love but we still said goodbye now we’re tired, battered fighters”. I wrote a whole blog about fighting fairly and yet I’m here saying that we didn’t practice it.
One of the questions that was right on time was, “what do you think our current challenge is trying to teach us”. Talk about a LOADED question! We probably spent the most time on this question. Those egos started off the conversation with a lot of bravado, over-talking and cutting off, but soon they disappeared and held space for two vulnerable, naked people that were actually ready to go skin deep (see what I did there).
We started off with “you don’t understand me”, “you’re selfish” and evolved to “how can I show you I understand” and “how can I be there for you fully”. We sat there by candlelight and answered question after question which lead to sidebar questions. We had some laughs and some can you believe we used to do that. Although the question was loaded, we agreed that it’s teaching us to take time, to make new spaces and for goodness sake embrace this newness because it’s forced us to pivot. Well, we had a few double dribbles before we were able to get that pivot foot secure enough to move around and see the whole floor with confidence (please tell me yall understand my basketball analogy).
The other question that stuck out was “what do you think our relationship teaches others”. I think the obvious is it’s okay to have a “non-traditional” marriage and make it work. Yall know that about us. What I think we can teach others is that it’s okay to tell your stories, your struggles and of course your laughs, the highs and THE LOVE! I know we’ve been told not to let people in our marriage and to keep everything in your house. Hey, I get it, but I don’t agree. Listen, don’t go running to tell everyone everything, that’s not what I’m saying. Now more than ever people are feeling isolated. When people know you’re going through or have been through something it makes it easier for them to talk about and get through it too. My rule of thumb for this blog has been to share my truths with yall, BUT only if I’ve reached some form of resolution and it doesn’t cross any boundaries in my marriage. Share at your own pace and boundary level.
We need to share our stories to heal and to help others heal!
How have yall been doing during quarantine?
Until next time loves…