Images By Ivory Door Studio
Y’all remember my blog post The Lump In My Breast? That whole ordeal was very scary, and truth be told I’m still dealing with it. I recently went back to the doctor in March for another ultrasound and visit with the surgeon. I have another appointment scheduled for December where I’ll have an ultrasound, mammogram and visit with the surgeon. I’m assuming this is just my new normal. I dare not complain about my situation because I’m blessed that fibrocystic breasts isn’t life threatening. This journey has made me think more about my breasts and how much they’ve played a pivotal part in my life. This Truth Tuesday I’m talking about the scar tissue both visible and non-visible that’s associated with my breasts.
In order to understand the full story, I have to go back to third grade. I started wearing a training bar at the age of 9. I know I wasn’t the only one, but I was definitely in the minority. I think this was the start of my dislike of my breasts. During my time in high school they were a solid 36 C, but to my surprise they went up a size my freshman year of college. Due to my discomfort with them, the majority of the time they stay pretty covered.
I was recently at an event, and it was one of those rare occasions when the girls were visible. I had a few people make comments. Hey, I get it, that’s unusual for me so I slightly understand why people said something. I asked a few of them to please not comment on them because it made me VERY uncomfortable. Mostly, my wishes were granted, but there were a few times when it wasn’t and again I was VERY uncomfortable. Because I am a thinker, I wanted to dig deeper into my relationship with my breasts. I discovered a few things I already knew, but for whatever reason didn’t want to admit.
First, I’ve felt slightly uncomfortable with my breasts from the beginning due to me being one of the early bloomers. The second thing that came to mind and it’s probably the most influential, my child abuse. I have repressed the majority of images, but when I do have flashbacks it’s always of my breasts being touched. I mean it’s vivid, I can see it as I type this. I’ll eventually write a full Truth Tuesday on my abuse, but for now just know having my breasts violated played a huge role in why I have this relationship with them. Part of my emotional remnants of abuse was shame and body image issues. I was already ashamed that I developed fast, and then you throw abuse on top of that and you have a recipe for disaster. That’s the thing about abuse, you can heal from it, but the emotional scar tissue is always there even if it lies dormant.
Fast forward to me finding the lump in my breast last year, a day before Thanksgiving. I mean that just made me say, “hey, right breast you’re okay, but left one I really hate you at this point”. From November – March I continued to do my self exams, and I continued to find more lumps. During my ultrasound in March, I was showing them where the lumps where and I felt yet another one. Of course I panicked, but the ultrasound was “normal”. Well, normal for me. Now, I have one breast with multiple lumps, a visible scar from my biopsy and my breasts hurt like heck during that “special time” of the month. Due to this, I’ll continue to get these lumps checked out to make sure everything is okay.
Honestly, I’ve been thinking about asking my surgeon if I can have them both removed, because they carry so much emotional baggage. I have both visible and non-visible scar tissue regarding my breasts, so I ask that if you see me in the public and I by chance have the girls showing find a way to compliment me without making a big deal about them. At the end of the day, they’re more than just breasts to me. They have a lot to do with the evolution of Sheena!
Do you have any type of scar tissue?
“Scarring is a natural part of the healing process”
Until next time loves…