All images by Ivory Door Studio
Sit down and get comfy, because I’m like Biggie (I’ve got a story to tell). This week’s edition of Truth Tuesday is real, raw, scary and informative.
Remember the Truth Tuesday from a couple of weeks ago titled Use Your Words? I talked about me not using my words and communicating vaguely with Anthony. The issue I had was personal, and you know what I do when I have an issue. Yep, I go to therapy. Listen, I don’t play with my mental health! I had a 10am appointment for the Wednesday before Thanksgiving (November 22nd).
While taking a shower that morning, I felt a lump in my left breast. Initially, I thought I really didn’t feel it. After comparing it to my right breast, I knew there was something there. I continued to get ready for my therapy session, but decided to call my OBGYN just to be safe. The nurse said there was an appointment available at 11am. I quickly cancelled my therapy session and headed in the opposite direction. I text Anthony and let him know.
I wasn’t given too much information that day. A breast exam just like I did in the shower was performed, and I was told I needed a mammogram and an ultrasound. It was scheduled for 6 days later. I left the medical center distraught, and immediately text my mom to call me ASAP. She called and I said “mommie, I have a lump in my breast”. Her voice was so calming and strong at the same time. She said, “that’s okay, it happens and it’s going to be alright”. She has a way of making me believe things will be fine even when I’m terrified.
A week later, Anthony and I arrived at the medical center for my mammogram and ultrasound. After both of those were completed, we had about an hour and a half wait until my appointment with the general surgeon. He told me that he was unable to make a diagnosis based off my mammogram and ultrasound, so I’d also need a biopsy. I told him I HAD to get that procedure performed that day. He came back five minutes later and said it was approved.
The nurse told me it would feel like a bee sting. LIES!!! It hurt, and I have a high threshold for pain. They located the lump and then decided on an entry point. He stuck a needle in the entry point and then used some machine to get tissue from the lump. They bandaged me up, and said the bandages would fall off in about a week. (They just fell off this morning.) He said my results would be available in 2-3 days. Yooo, waiting 2-3 days for results that could significantly change your life is nerve-racking to say the least.
Anthony and I left the medical center both of us very nervous and anxious. We did pretty well under pressure. We only got in one argument that day lol. We had a trip to Jamaica planned for that Friday. Our flight was scheduled to leave at 5:45am. I told him there is no way I can get on a plane on Friday morning without knowing the results. If I didn’t get the results on Thursday, we decided not to go to Jamaica.
The next two days were HELL! I mean I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I slept on the couch (why, I don’t know), but Anthony also slept in the living room with me in our oversized chair. There was anxious tension those two days, but he was amazing with his support and love.
Thursday morning the surgeon called and informed me the tissue was benign. I have very dense breasts, which I guess from a vain standpoint is good because they’re perky and not fatty. But dense breasts are difficult to accurately read on mammograms. The surgeon said I had nodular fibrosis breast. Through some research I discovered fibrocystic breasts are pretty common, and it affects about 3 million women. It can occur in women of many ages, but most commonly in women 20-40. The surgeon wants to monitor the lump (yep, it’s still there), and I have another appointment in March.
I have a crazy relationship with my breasts. First, I’ve had them since I was in 3rd grade. I hit puberty pretty early. I remember my mom taking me to the doctor because I was developing so quickly. I’m a 36D, but most times you can’t tell because I try my best to keep them “hidden”. Don’t get my wrong, they make certain clothes look great, but I’ve always shied away from “putting the girls out there”.
Now, I have this weird feeling of betrayal. It’s like I’m angry at the left one because it forces me to pay attention to them when most of my life I’ve been trying to hide them. I’m sure my feelings will change, but currently I’m a little confused about my feelings regarding my breasts. It’s been very awkward taking a shower since I found the lump. I will continue to do self-exams, and I encourage others to do them too. They could literally save your life. I’ll keep yall posted on this journey.
By the way, Jamaica was AMAZING!!!
Until next time loves…