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Happy Truth Tuesday! I know, I know I didn’t give yall not one single dose of truth the whole month of May. I’m back and I have a heavy dose of truth for you this week. I speak frequently about generational curses. One of the things I’m currently working on in therapy is to identify those curses and do the work to correct them. I’m not sure if it’s due to me being mindful about working on them or if life is saying, “hey Sheena this is your season to work on these things”. Either way, I’m here and they’re looking me square in the eyes so I must do the work. So, what happens when you’ve worked on one of your curses and then you’re tested? Lucky for you that’s what I’m discussing today.
A few months ago I walked into my therapist’s office and said, “it’s time for me to remove “Dan” from my life”. I’ve talked about “Dan” for many years so this wasn’t shocking news to my therapist. In a society where we celebrate and share life’s huge moments with the world via social media, this was not one of those things I would make a status about and provide deep insight to explain my decision. It was more of an internal release, and although it was a bit scary, I felt at peace.
My current work has taught me that I have abandonment issues. I was abandoned as a child, and like most things you don’t heal, they come back to haunt you. I’ve slow danced several times with abandonment, and slowly but surely I started to believe I was disposable. Since this type of thought started to form in my childhood, I had plenty of years where I fully believed that I wasn’t worthy of love. I mean any type of love. Let that sit with you for a second. When I was younger, one person didn’t feel I was important enough to show me love, affection and attention, so the adult me held on to it as if it were true.
I bet you’re wondering, “Sheena, what about that test you mentioned?”. What happens with “Dan” falls on hard times and others tell you that you should do the right thing and be there for “Dan”? I had to have several conversations with myself and decided that my mental clarity, health and wellness were more important that any other person on this Earth including “Dan”. I had to ask myself if you do as others say you should what will you get out of being there for “Dan”? My answer, I would once again feel that “Dan” wins because I felt forced to come to his aide when he has never done that for me. Then, I asked myself, what would “Dan” gain from me? He would think his actions throughout the years were correct, therefore if there is any hope that he will change, my being there for “Dan” wouldn’t be the catalyst of change for him.
I know it’s easy to say you’ve done the work and you’re slaying those generational curses, but then life has other plans. It hands you an envelope, and when you open it leaves you breathless. The thing with generational curses is they seem normal because that’s all you know. When you’ve worked on one of them and life hands you that envelope, be prepared to come up against judgement. The question you must ask yourself is, am I willing to sacrifice my mental stability for a person or situation that has caused me more harm than good? If the answer is no then buckle up and get ready for a bumpy ride, but know that when the smoke clears you’ll come out on the other side a better person.
I do not regret my decision not to show up for “Dan”, and not because “Dan” hasn’t ever shown up for me. It’s due to me identifying my abandonment issues, and pen pointing that “Dan” was the root of it. I know that by me slaying the generational curse of abandonment that I’m broken free from that curse as well as any child that comes after me. You must put yourself first despite the judgement you’ll receive from others because everything starts with you! You know the meme that states, if it costs you your peace, it’s too expensive. Well friends, showing up for “Dan” is too expensive for me at this time.
Until next time loves…