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Since I tell my truths weekly, my life is like a blog post waiting to happen. I try to share honest moments with yall without crossing the lines of privacy in my personal life. A couple of weeks ago Anthony and I were in the kitchen preparing dinner and an argument almost started (well, that’s what he thought). In the middle of our conversation I said, “without conflict there’s no change”. Immediately after saying it I thought oohhh that’s good. I wouldn’t dare say this hasn’t been said before because I know it has. But, sometimes you say things aloud and it makes you stop and think. For this week’s Truth Tuesday I want to talk to yall about the importance of conflict and why it’s necessary.
To be completely honest, these are solely my thoughts because what I’m about to say Anthony doesn’t believe it’s true. Back to our kitchen a few weeks ago. We had a conversation about the laundry room being messy and I thought oh okay we’re going to do this tonight. Seconds later as we moved around the kitchen Anthony was by my ear smacking on something and I said, “hey, can you please close your mouth when you chew”. Initially he thought it was me “retaliating” against his laundry room comment. I had to remind him how “loud chewing” is a pet peeve of mine. Before I could complete my thought he hit me with a “you’re right, sorry, that was my fault”. That’s when I said, “hey you can’t cut me off because you think a conversation can move to the realm of conflict plus without conflict there’s no change”. Anthony swears he doesn’t dodge conflict, but I’m not convinced. Maybe that’s a future blog post.
After the kitchen/loud chewing incident, I thought long and hard about the times a major change has happened in my life. All those times resulted from me confronting a conflict, conquering it and stepping into a new space of change. Conflicts are necessary because they push us out of our comfort zone and force us to face some hard truths.
Three important things to remember about conflict:
- Just because you’re ready to use conflict as a vehicle for change doesn’t mean the person/people on the other end are ready.
- Confronting conflict doesn’t always result in resolution.
- Conflict isn’t always a negative word.
I’ve presented conflict to others as vehicle of change, and sometimes I’ve ended up with my gas tank on E stranded on the side of an emotional highway. You can speak your truth and show someone the cracks in their views and even present a way to work together to compromise, but until they’re ready it’s not going to happen. I’m learning to speak my truths and give people time to let it marinate. But, you must learn how long to let someone marinate on your truths before you take your made from scratch concerns and head on home. When it becomes a waste of your time, energy and peace, then let it go fam.
Remember, just because you confront a conflict doesn’t mean resolution will follow. Change will happen when there’s conflict, but be open to different types of change. This could mean a number of things from a change of scenery or a change in you that leads you one step closer to resolution.
Lastly, conflict isn’t always a negative word. Conflict is the friend that’s misunderstood. It wants you to grow, but sometimes it doesn’t know how to effectively communicate. In return, people assume conflict is mainly a negative thing *cough, cough – Anthony*. The next time conflict presents itself to you, take a moment to evaluate the situation and you just might see that it’s a positive thing.
Until next time loves…