No matter how long you’ve been in a relationship, you must always use your words. What exactly does that mean? Basically, it means to fully communicate your thoughts. Nothing starts an argument quicker than someone half-way expressing their thoughts/feelings. I feel I’m a pretty decent communicator, but I too fall short. This Truth Tuesday I want to talk to you about a disagreement Anthony and I had due to both us not using our words (initiated by me).
Most nights Anthony heads to the bedroom before me. I usually wait for him to get settled before I come bouncing in the room. The other night, I came bouncing in as usual, but then I made a very vague comment. The comment was true, but I made one huge mistake! I didn’t use my words. I blurted out the statement, and then said I’m going to bed. Anthony was totally confused, but also very sleepy. He mumbled something, and I said nevermind, don’t pay me any attention.
The next morning, as he was awaking me to say bye I could tell he wanted to talk. We both knew it wasn’t the right time, because I was out of it. A few hours later he text me asking if everything was okay with us. I’m like what is he talking about. He proceeds to tell me he’s been off all day due to my comments the night before.
The domino effect had begun! The night before, I communicated like a complete juvenile, and didn’t effectively explain to Anthony that my frustration was not with him or about us. My frustration was with a different avenue of my life. I started the domino effect because Anthony fed off my juvenile communication. He assumed I was referring to us instead of using his words and asking, “Sheena, does this have anything to do with us or our marriage?”
I sat at home with my phone in my hand knowing texting wouldn’t be a sufficient mode of communication to express my mistake. I asked Anthony to table this conversation until we could discuss later, and tried to ensure him it had nothing to do with us. But, we’re all human, and once you put a thought in someone’s head it’s difficult to get it out without looking them in their eyes to explain.
I’m on the couch, and I’m startled because I hear someone trying to open the front door. Yep, it was Antony with a dozen roses in hand. He came home on his lunch break to discuss our communication mishap. Our conversation didn’t take long. I was able to tell him I was wrong for making that statement without providing pivotal information. I also asked that in times when I fail to use my words that he pick up my slack by using his and asking questions to avoid assumptions. Don’t get me wrong, this situation was my fault, and I can admit and accept that!
Sometimes, we expect the ones closest to us to be able to read our minds. So, after last week’s mishap, this week I’m using ALL my words and then some. Basically, I’m back to normal, because I talk Anthony’s ears off most days. I always want to have a “what is life” type of conversation.
Have you ever forgotten to use your words?
Until next time loves…