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I know it’s been over a month since yall have heard from me. I made an IG post a couple of weeks ago regarding a stranger being in my house. I got a ton of responses asking if it was a baby. Well friends, I’m NOT pregnant. For future reference, I wouldn’t refer to my child as a stranger. I won’t keep you in suspense, the stranger is ME.
I’ve been battling depression for the past few months, and if I’m being honest, it’s gotten the best of me most days. I’ve written about my depression before in my blog post Zoloft and Pax-il, Depression is Mad Real. In that post, I talked about being depressed in college. Just like most people, I’ve had some bad days, but Depression hasn’t shown up at my doorstep in years. I naively thought our relationship was over. Then, a few months ago he showed up flowers in hand with some pretty convincing pick up lines to woo me. I fell for it hook, line and sinker.
For months, I battled with it silently. I would wait until Anthony went to work or fell asleep and I’d cry and cry and cry. He could tell a change in me, but I had become excellent at hiding my secret like Xscape. As yall know, I go to therapy once a month, and while I was working through other issues I wasn’t being honest about the deepest issue I was battling. That’s what depression does to you. It exploits your insecurities, provides darkness, but makes it feel comfortable and safe.
Months ago I told Anthony that I was very hormonal and emotional during my cycle due to no longer being on birth control (don’t ask me about kids!!!). I talked to my therapist and she said it sounded like I was experiencing Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. Since I wasn’t being completely honest, I was like yeah that’s exactly what is it. Isn’t it ironic, that me, the truth teller was out here just lying! Depression does that to you!
Recently, I had to be honest with Anthony, my therapist and most importantly myself. I’m depressed, I have a mental illness. I had become closer to Depression than my husband, but I told him I’d be completely vulnerable about it, and show him all the darkness. When I was finally naked and let him see all of the darkness me and Depression had been carrying behind his back, it saddened him. I had full out meltdowns and let him see it and feel it (from his perspective).
I’m currently on medication. All medication has side effects. I have dry mouth and use the restroom more often now a days (nothing wrong with getting all the waste out lol). My sex drive has been negatively impacted. One night I tried to have sex, but my brain and body weren’t on the same page. Afterwards I curled in the fetal position and cried for 15 minutes because my body no longer felt like it belonged to me. Anthony was right beside me telling me all the things I needed to hear. He said he did his research on my medicine and knew of some of the side effects. Sometimes my body feels like a complete stranger because my brain conspires with Depression to tell me so, and I believe it.
I’m happy to say, the medication is working and I feel a lot better. I’m not 100% back to “normal Sheena”, but I’m 75%-80% there. I’m also happy to report that my sex drive is all the way back (don’t ask me about kids!!!).
I’ll keep you posted on this journey. I’ve battled depression and won once before, and I have no doubt this time will have the same end result.
Until next time loves…
Sheena, I want to give you a hug! Girl I totally understand what you are going through. I’ve dealt with depression since High School. In college it got worse, I was so deep into alcohol and sex, I didn’t own anything from my body to my mind. I was failing classes, I literally had to take some time off from school. Depression affected my relationships, friendships, finances, sex life. I literally use to say I am walking depression, now that I am in therapy and taking my medicine I’ve been so much better, I try to also be very mindful of when depression is kicking back up. My last depressive episode was right around this time last year, I was trying to become super Christian hoping God would release me, I hit a wall, I didn’t think I could make it. I found myself having anxiety attacks in church. I needed to get help and I needed to seek a lot of healing. I am still on that journey. Depression is so hard, it’s an everyday battle. You got this!!!
-Lakeithea
Thanks so much for your honesty and transparency! I’m so glad you’re doing better love. ❤️❤️❤️
Your honesty always amazes me. I can only imagine how many people it’s going to help. I know for a fact you will beat depression again. You got this.
Awww thanks so much! You’ve been so supportive. ❤️ #NoGlitches
I really enjoy your Truth Tuesdays. I can’t wait to get my blog up and running because it’s going to be all about talkin’ truth…among other things. You’re so brave in speaking about your depression and I know it’s helping your readers. You mentioned being on medication. Have you tried the naturopathic route when it comes to that? Maybe the side effects won’t be as bad.
Yes, line go ahead and start that blog! I haven’t tried that but I’ll definitely look into it.
Yea, you hide it very well. Glad you are much better. Give me some of those increasing sex drive tips if you don’t mind. (Asking for a friend)
I can’t explain it but it’s high lol
Wow! I respect your vulnerability! Thank you so much for sharing! It was beautifully written! Can’t wait to read more on your journey!
Thank you so much love! ❤️
I’m so proud of you friend!! Your honesty is inspiring! You totally got this. 💛 you!!!
Thank you! Love you ❤️❤️❤️
Hugs! Hugs! And more hugs dammit! I’m so proud of your honesty and vulnerability here girlfriend! You just don’t know the people you are reaching/helping. Keep it up!
Thanks friend, love you ❤️❤️❤️
Oh so you telling truths truths? Seriously, you’re so brave to share and I never would’ve known. I’m so glad you’re getting back to yourself and very happy that you’re having sex! That helps 😉 I definitely have you prayed up. Just know that.
😂😂😂 I’m back!!!
I’m always so amazed about how transparent you are about your truths. You are truly an inspiration Sheena! I know you’re going to win this battle in 2019. Sending prayers and love!
Thank you so much for reading!
Sending love and hugs. Thank you for showing us what true strength looks like. This is what life is all about. It’s ups and downs. We learn, love, and grow. Ps. You look gorgeous
Awww thank you so much love. 😘😘😘
You are such an inspiration! Sending love and prayers your way. ❤️
Thanks love, I appreciate you ❤️
Aw sis. I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this but glad to see that you are getting all the help you need. Thank you for being so brave to share your story. It makes all the difference in the world when you have a supportive husband. Kudos to him too.
Awww thank you so much!!!
You’re definitely in my prayers!! Thanks for sharing your journey with the world.
Thank you, I appreciate it!
What a inspiration you are. Darkness ends in the light and YOU my dea are light. I hope you continue being in a better place
Leslie, thank you for such a great compliment ❤️❤️❤️
Sending you some hugs and love. So glad that you are taking this step to seek therapy and heal yourself. I wish you all the wonderful things. Stay beautiful inside and out! Your light truly shines.
Thanks so much beautiful ❤️
Ma’am! what a way to keep it real!!!! thank you for this. Also, thank you for showcasing what depression looks like in a marriage. i often wonder how I will transition once I get married. It’s hard being that real with someone. keep up the good work and be gentle with yourself.
Thank you for your honesty as well. It’s needed especially in our community.
Thanks so much for sharing. It seems as though so many young adults (including myself) are struggling with depression. I’ve avoided going to therapy but I think I will give it a try. Happy that you have an amazing support system in your husband. Thank you for your honesty. Being able to relate to someone and know that others are fighting the same battle is comforting. 💞
I’m sending prayers and positive vibes your way. If you ever need to talk just let me know.
Thanks for sharing your truth. Honesty isn’t always easy but it has allowed you to get what you need. I’m sending you love and positive vibes.
Thank you so much Mimi. I truly appreciate it. ❤️
I’m glad you have people around you who you can be honest and vulnerable with. Wishing you continued progress getting back
to yourself.
Thank you so much ❤️
Kudos to you for sharing your experience, and that you’ve had success with medication. Many have a hard time admitting they are depressed, and definitely there is a fear of taking medication for mental health issues, so hopefully this will help readers.
Thanks so much! ❤️
Whew! This was a necessary read. Thank you so much for sharing. When I am going through it, I feel like an alien. Sometimes I am feeling like I am outside of my body looking in at a person I don’t know. I had to sing the “stranger in my house” song… depression is a trip. Thanks again.
Prayers and positive vibes your way. I’m here with you love ❤️.