Image by Ivory Door Studio
Hey loves! It’s Valentine’s Day Eve, and let’s face it tomorrow will totally stress out some people. I know, I know single ladies don’t want to hear from the married girl about Valentine’s Day. This week for Truth Tuesday I want to talk about Single Sheena.
As I’ve previously said, Anthony was my first relationship so, at times that messed me up physiologically. I went through a lot of stages including, what’s wrong with me, comparing myself to other women in relationships, being critical of my physical appearance and so many others. I remember having countless conversations with my mom about it, and then feeling bad after the call because I felt my singleness was bringing her pain and shame.
I put a lot of time and energy into “figuring out” my singleness. Most times I would get upset with myself because I thought, “what are these tears for, you don’t even want to be married”. Which was true, but I really wanted the companionship. Some of my breakdowns are still very vivid. I clearly remember being in my apartment and walking down the “halfway” (yo, it was too small to really be a halfway) and I just broke down crying. I mean Voila Davis snot bubble from Fences type of crying. I was on that floor going through such a battle. The tears represented a release of emotions telling me everything would be okay while I was saying negative words to and about myself. I remember calling my mom and her sounding so defeated (yall, that’s probably when she decided to make my match.com page lol). I’ll never forget her saying, I love you and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, but I get it my love isn’t enough in some instances, and this is one of them. (Have I mentioned how amazing my mom is?) I hung up and sat on the floor in silence, and thought about how I could turn things around. The tricky thing about desiring a relationship is, it’s not just you. Yep, I was sitting there wondering where and when he’d arrive. (Sidenote: little did I know I’d already met him years ago).
I tell you my story as encouragement! I get it, it’s real out there in those single streets. I did start going to therapy and it started to shape me into a better version of Sheena. I began to discard some of the “bad” parts while enhancing some of the “good” parts. I’m not going to lie and say I went to therapy and ta-da Anthony appeared in my FB inbox (yeah, that’s how he started contacting me. Thanks Mark Zuckerberg!) What I will say is it helped me understand myself better and made things a little easier during my single stage. Did I still have moments of crying on the floor? Hell yeah I did, but honestly they weren’t as harsh. Hang in there girl, your time is coming!!!
Here’s a cute “recipe” from Granny’s Conversations
You Can Endure Every “Single” Step!
1 cup of independence without choice
1 /2 cup of head held high
Directions: Blend together until you see beauty in your “single” journey
(check out Granny’s Conversations for recipes regarding ANYTHING you’re going through in life!)
Happy Valentine’s Day!!!
Until next time loves…