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Unless you’re new to my blog, you know I often speak about the importance of a good ole fashion therapy session. I say often that therapy saved my life. I started going as an angry 27-year-old that was confused, hurt, scared and frustrated people didn’t see me the way I thought I saw myself. Although I’m no longer that person, I still require maintenance therefore I continue to attend. It’s only my opinion, but EVERYONE can benefit from therapy. I mean, it’s just magical! So, this week for Truth Tueaday I want to discuss my therapy session from last week.
Here are my three gems from that session:
- Expectations are tricky! Do I think we should have expectations? YES, but mine have a tendency to be too high. I have high expectations for myself and in turn I put them on others. When they don’t live up to them, I get frustrated. My homework for this issue is to learn how to set more realistic expectations while realizing some of those won’t be met. When frustrations happens, I must find a space to temporarily reside so I can process it in a healthy manner instead of shutting myself off from that individual. I’ll continue to set expectations, but slowly learn not to cling so tightly as if they’re the only gospel that matters.
- My ego gets me in trouble! I’m a do gooder (yep, I’m going with that word), and sometimes I use that to justify my ego. Not to get too Freudian on you, but the ego is described as the part that seeks to please the id’s drive in realistic ways that will benefit in the long-term. Most of the time I get too wrapped up in fairness and how things are “supposed” to go and I totally lose sight of what “IS”. Instead of accepting what “is” I focus on why it shouldn’t be and find ways to prove its incorrectness. I must learn that sometimes what should be just doesn’t happen and me projecting my ego with such loud bravado doesn’t change the fact that I’m really hurt and failing to accept what “is” in that moment. My homework for this issue is to know that it’s fine to project your ego at times because it can be positive, but learn to use it positively and not as a crutch when I’m hurt and afraid.
- Being a wife is hard! It’s hard, but not for the reasons you think. It’s very difficult for someone like me to be associated with being a wife 100% of the time. I’m well-rounded WOMAN and being a wife is not my sole identifier. Also, my definition of wife is drastically different from the norm, and it’s draining to be diminished down to tasks. Me standing at the altar exchanging vows was not the start of Anthony handing me a list of tasks to do. Yet, when I meet people and they talk about me as a wife it’s always boiled down to my “wifely duties”. I’m laughing as I type it because it sounds completely absurd to me! I told my therapist I feel like the unwife and I’m sick of being judged mainly by other wives. My homework for this issue is to keep being the type of wife that works for the HutchStew household, and to write a kick-a** blog post on the disproportionate burden of being a wife compared to being a husband. It’s sad there’s a strong narrative being told that’s not true for everyone. I know there’s some women (young and older) that have similar feelings/beliefs as me and I want them to know you don’t have to compromise those beliefs to be happily married.
I want yall to hold me accountable on these things, and to look into going to therapy. I promise you won’t regret it!
Until next time loves…