Weekly, I open up and tell my truths. I’m open and very vulnerable, because I’ve reached a level of comfort with myself that allows me to do so. There are more truths that I want to tell, past truths that I want to dive deeper into, but my truths aren’t just mine. Leading a life of true freedom comes at a price. It simply depends on if we’re willing to pay the fee.
Currently, I have a fear of making others uncomfortable. Weekly, I tell you the ins, outs, ups, downs and in betweens and not bat an eye. But, I don’t live this life alone. I’ve encountered others along the way, and they’ve played major roles in my life. The trick is telling enough of my truth to feel some sort of freedom, but also finding a way to protect others around me.
How many of you remember the movie The Best Man? Remember, Harper Stewart wrote a book about his friends? I mean he changed the names and a few other things, but in the end they each knew which character was them, and poor Harper didn’t fair so well. That’s my constant struggle. It’s waiting to be 100% true to myself and my purpose, but not wanting to strip others bare while I’m naked every week.
So, today I’m giving you two mini truths. There’s enough meat on the bones for you to get nourishment from my message, but honestly I’m not providing you the feast I had envisioned. My goal is to one day be able to pay that fee, and just say everything I want to say. You see what I did there? I’m vulnerable enough to admit one of my current struggles.
Mini Truth #1
I write about my mom a lot on the blog, I’ve talked about her enough for you to know I think she hung the moon. One of her greatest qualities is she’s a humble parent. My brother and I can disagree with her and say, “hey, I think you’re wrong because so and so”. If she’s wrong she will apologize and say, “you’re right, I was wrong”. There is only one requirement, we have to be respectful when expressing ourselves. This didn’t start when we became adults, as children we were also able to respectfully disagree with her as well. Since these are mini truths, I can’t go as deep as I want to go, but I’ve struggled with building a relationship with my dad. These opinions are my own! My mother never uttered a bad word in my presence. I share this mini truth, because there is someone out there that’s struggling to build a relationship with one or both of their parents as well. I’m proof that you can continue to try and work on it while living a peaceful life. I know there are many that think when you lack the presence of one parent, that you search for them in a mate. In my case, that’s not true. Anthony and my dad don’t share many similarities. That’s not a dig at my dad, it’s just the truth. This mini truth is to let you know, you’re more than your parents. They help mold us, teach us and even scar us, but as adults we can blaze our own path and not be defined by our parents (good or bad).
Mini Truth #2
There’s love after trauma! I’m very open about my childhood abuse. That no longer causes me shame. It took me YEARS to work through, but I’m on the other side of it. It left me hardened and made me untrusting of others. While working through my issues I learned childhood traumas are tough because a part of you gets stuck at the age of your trauma. The longer you wait to work through it, the longer you’re stuck. I was 27 when I started to do the work, and looking back there were things I was “stuck” doing, feeling, thinking, because I hadn’t dealt with it. Admitting you were taken advantage of in such a personal way is tough, but in order to tackle the situation, it requires a high level or vulnerability and forgiveness. I knew I was really working this thang (I’m southern) out when I was able to let Anthony into my life. I’m referring to the total chaos and disaster my life was back then. I mean letting someone into the unpretty side of you is tough, but definitely needed to grow together. I was so sure of myself, but so afraid at the same time. Later, I realized it was pure bravado! It’s been replaced with humility, love, compassion and yep, you guessed it, vulnerability.
My truths are majority mine, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge my openness could be negative for someone else in my life. My goal is one day be truly free and able to pay the fee without being apologetic. Until I get there, I’ll continue to inch to the finish line.
Be bold and vulnerable today. Remember there’s no story you can tell that at least one other person hasn’t experienced.
What would you say if there was no cost associated with FREEDOM?
Until next time loves…