The year was 2005, and I bought John Mayer’s cd “Heavier Things“. For all you Mayer fans, you know the album was released in 2003. I can’t remember what made me purchase the cd, but I’m eternally grateful because John has helped me through some tough times, but he’s also been there during good times too. His second album is STILL in my listening rotation 14 years later. The album has so many elements of me and my experiences that I instantly felt a connection. It’s funny because I always loved the song “Come Back to Bed“, but never had that experience. Then I got married lol. The short of the song is a man asking his woman to come back to bed and not be mad anymore. You know how you hear about women making men sleep on the couch? Well, I’ll get upset and say I’M gonna sleep on the couch. I was recently listening to the song with Anthony and l laughed and said wait, this is us! I’m immature sometimes and leave the room and he’s like “Sheena just come back to bed”. Once again, John’s lyrics have veered their way into my life. If you’ve never heard the album I BEG of you, go listen to it!!! It will change your life. I feel a deeper blog post about the overall album coming soon, but today I’m focusing on the song “Daughters“. (Below is the first verse and chorus)
I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But, she’s just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I’ve done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hand
Now I’m starting to see
Maybe It’s got nothing to do with me
Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too
The first verse of this song speaks VOLUMES! It talks about a man trying all he can to make a woman feel worthy and break down her walls, but no matter what he does she’s not opening up to him. Then he realizes no matter what he does she’s not going to let him in because of her past which she hasn’t dealt with or overcome. I watched a John Mayer special once and he talked about the inspiration behind “Daughters”. He said he dated several women and he couldn’t break down their walls, and then it hit him. They all had “daddy issues.” And this leads me to the meat of this week’s Truth Tuesday! Our parents gave birth to us, provided for us, loved us, but they also passed down some generational curses some of which aren’t good.
Not all of us have daddy issues, but if we’re being totally honest we all have generational curses that we’ve previously overcome or we’re still trying to overcome. Keep in mind not all curses are bad. My negative generational curse is having body image issues. I don’t care if I weigh 130lbs or 150lbs I’m going to look in the mirror and see something I don’t like or say man I feel/look fat today. The crazy thing is I’ve never been fat, but neither has my mom. You’re wondering what my mom has to do with this right? Well, we’re the same height and both have smaller builds, but growing up I always heard her say she was fat. I would think WHERE?! The older I got I would look at her and think if she’s fat then I’m fat because we’re about the same size. Anthony now has to listen to me call myself fat on a weekly basis, and I’m sure it’s no fun for him. I know my mom didn’t mean to pass this down to me, and she’s NEVER called me fat. But the damage is pretty much done. We’ve talked about it and both recognize we don’t need to pass this on to my nieces. I’m old enough to take responsibility for my own actions, so I know my thoughts are my own, and I dare not blame my mom for my current body image issues. Although generational curses are passed down, after a certain point it’s on us to correct them and if we don’t we must also take responsibility.
Another generational curse that’s been passed down to me is being a fixer. For the most part, this curse is a positive one, but sometimes I do try too hard to fix other people’s situation. I’ve been known to go overboard in trying to help someone, but yall do remember the Truth Tuesday called “Mom and Match.com” so I get it honest lol. My mom hits me with GEMS weekly! One day she said, “Sheena, you can’t love someone more than they love themselves.” As a fixer I’ve been known to try to do this a time or two. It NEVER ends well.
The second verse of Daughters says…
Oh, you see that skin?
It’s the same she’s been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she’s left cleaning up the mess he made
John’s telling us NOT to get stuck in the “skin” aka “hurt/damage” we experienced as a child. Because the longer we stay stuck in the skin the longer we take them into our present/future which includes relationships, self-esteem, confidence and a whole host of other things. I’m not sure what your generational curses are, but I know you have them because my darling, we ALL do. If you still struggle with it from time to time like me remember it’s now on you and not your parents and you must try to get free from it. If you know you have them, but for whatever reason won’t admit it to yourself, I BEG of you WORK THROUGH IT my friend. The longer you hold on to it the longer you’re going to destroy relationships by continuing to be a maze when others are standing on the steps with their heart in their hand.
Also remember that our parents are people just like us, and it’s difficult for any of us to admit we’ve wronged someone especially someone we love. Remember the Truth Tuesday post about 3 sides to every story? Know that sometimes we may talk to our parents about our generational curses and they’re going to come up with a ton of excuses. In those moments, you must put yourself first and find a way to forgive them. MOST IMPORTANTLY find a way to accept what happened to you even if you don’t get the apology you feel you deserve, and above all else, work on YOU. Get the help/support you need!
For all the parents of non-adult children PLEASE remember to…
be good to your sons/daughters
Sons/Daughters will love like you do
Kids become lovers who turn into parents
So be good to your sons and daughters too