All images by Ivory Door Studio
I went through my first real self discovery in 2009/2010. I was foolish enough to think that would suffice. *laughs hysterically at myself* I started 2018 with hopes, dreams and faith just like most of yall, but I’ve recently realized it’s time for me to go on another deployment of self-discovery. I know this one will be more of a battle than the last one, but it should be because I know myself and the world in a different way. This Truth Tuesday I’m putting yall as well as myself on notice that another deployment is coming, but also why it’s needed and great for my soul.
Last year I went to therapy 3-4 times. It’s March and I’ve already gone twice. I had a major revelation during my last session (I’ll share later, haven’t fully processed it). My therapist suggested I start group counseling. My initial reaction was “you’re breaking up with me”. She said we will still have sessions, but for me to truly work through current feelings/thoughts/emotions I really need a different avenue. Yooo, I love my therapist!!!
First, let me say, I’m not depressed. I only say this because some might misinterpret what I’m saying and read into something that’s not there. Hang with me, as always I’ve got a story to tell. I desire and require a deeper connection with myself so I can flourish and get everything out of life God (the Universe or birds and trees…whatever you believe) has for me. I’ve been said to be a person that possesses high intensity. I agree, and I also know that scares people away, and makes me a target to be severely misunderstood. Part of the goal in group therapy is to receive honest feedback from a community (since I currently lack one). That’s a bit terrifying yet exciting at the same time. Terrifying because of my high intensity. I’m going to have to restrain from going deep with every single piece of feedback. Exciting because I’ve never experienced anything like this, and it opens me up to a community of supportive people.
I’m not sure when I’m going to start group therapy, but my second tour of self-discovery has already started. I’ll keep you posted, because I know I’ll have a TON of truths to tell from those sessions. I have a list in mind of what I want to gain from this tour of self-discovery. But, I fully understand what I want and what I receive/need really might be completely different, and I’m comfortable with that. I mean I thought I was going to marry someone like me, but then Anthony happened. You don’t always get what you want, but instead what you need. Listen, if I married someone like me we’d both be flying high in the clouds lol. You have to come down sometimes.
- Fully explore my desire/need/want of community
- Fully explore my level of intensity and recognize situations in which it needs to be diffused but find a way to achieve it without feeling like I’m not being true to myself/beliefs/morals
- Fully acknowledge interpersonal issues I need to face and work through
- Fully experience self gratitude, appreciation and love (Listen, I’m dope)
- Fully process and start the work on my latest therapy revelation (I said start work because this one will take some time to conquer, but I’m fully aware of it).
So, we’ve all been put on notice about my second deployment of self-discovery. The beautiful thing is there’s no time frame and I’m walking into it knowing I’ll have set backs, self-doubt, but as long as I keep pushing through I’ll come out on the other side a better version of Sheena.
Until next time loves…