Almost 30 years ago Ralph Tresvant released his self titled debut album. Track #2 was called Sensitivity and it’s the inspiration behind this week’s Truth Tuesday. I was listening to Sensitivity the other day (don’t judge, it’s a classic). It made me think about emotional IQ. Ralph was spitting knowledge before I was old enough to understand it. He tells women we need a man with sen-si-tiv-ity and then lists the attributes. He also tells us what sensitivity is NOT! I understand that on the surface he’s telling us things we already know. We deserve someone who loves us, needs us, treats us right, holds us at night and is stable.

But, if we go a bit deeper we realize in order to have that level of sensitivity a man has to have a pretty high emotional IQ. What is emotional IQ you ask? Emotional Intelligence is the capability of individuals to recognize their own and other people’s emotions, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, and manage and/or adjust emotions to adapt to environments or achieve one’s goals. A man like that is like hitting the JACKPOT! I say that because he has to have enough vulnerability to admit when he’s scared, unsure of himself, when his ego is controlling a situation, or if he’s emotionally drained and needs help. Because he’s so self-aware he also knows when he’s hurt you. Let’s keep it real. He’s not a physic so you must be open and vulnerable as well in order for him to pick up on what’s going on with you and the two of you work to resolve it.

For anyone thinking this shows weakness in a man STOP READING RIGHT NOW!!! This is not the post for you and maybe just maybe your emotional IQ could be a bit higher. A man that’s vulnerable doesn’t show weakness, but instead exudes strength. Trust me it takes a ton of strength to be vulnerable.

How does one increase their emotional IQ?

  1. Be vulnerable! Be sure to protect yourself and your energy of course, but keep in mind your vulnerability could be the missing piece in certain situations and could be the catalyst to someone else realizing their truths.
  2. Be present! I know sometimes that’s difficult with social media and all the other distractions we have, but always try your best to be present with someone to ensure you’re able to form or deepen a bond. I struggle with this one sometimes.
  3. Forgive! Forgive yourself as well as others. I do realize that forgiving is the easy part (we’ll get to that another Truth Tuesday).
  4. Don’t give your past power! This one is a big one. We carry so much weight from our past and it weighs us down and prohibits us from advancing especially advancing emotionally. Whatever story your past tells, you’re still living therefore you’ve survived it. Learn from it and move on!
  5. Don’t be afraid of criticism! Even if it comes from a good place, it still can hurt. If you can use it, then do so. If not, then throw it away and let it go. Don’t hold on to someone else’s version of you when you can’t learn and grow from it.

How did I work on my emotional IQ?

  1. Counseling It’s just magical! It gives you a chance to be open and vulnerable with no fear of judgement, but there is support if you need it. I try to go at least 3-4 times a year.
  2. My Marriage Mirror– Here I was thinking I was great, and then my Marriage Mirror told me I had stuff to work on. But because I’m vulnerable, open and have the tools I can work through those things easier.

Don’t forget what Ralph taught us…we need someone who cares and dares to give himself completely, you gotta admit you need a man with SENSITIVITY!!!

Until next time loves…

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