Quick, name an object we use daily, but if used in a certain way it makes us confront our shortcomings? Well, if you read the title of this week’s Truth Tuesday then you know the answer is, the mirror. Let me let you in on a little secret. Marriage will force you to face the person in the mirror. Not the one that’s all dolled up headed for a night out on the town, but instead the one with messy hair, watery eyes and mounting piles of defense. Whether you believe in God, The Universe, the birds or the trees it always has a way of giving you what you need and not necessarily what you want.
I prayed for a mate, because I believe God put us here to interact, love and procreate (you can create more than just children). It’s no secret when Anthony started to pursue me I wanted no parts of it. I said this is not the type of guy I prayed for. I prayed for someone who is enamoured with the arts, writes, connects with music the way I do, is quirky and a host of other things. Let’s take the time to say I had no business praying for those things anyway, but that’s another Tuesday. Instead, God sent me Anthony. At first I had no clue why, but I was eventually open to finding out why.
Once I opened up, I realized he was there to push me to my limits and then help me explore, expand and conquer outside of those limits I had put on myself. Going into our relationship I had certain ways that just weren’t going to change (so I thought). I had just turned 28, and in my Kanye voice you couldn’t tell me NOTHING! Little did I know the mirror was about to show me some truths about myself I wasn’t ready to admit.
Although we dated for several years before marriage (it was a struggle in the beginning refer back to Before HutchStew blog post), I’m still learning so much about myself since we’ve been married. Intense relationships such as marriage force you to constantly check yourself. Seriously, just the other day Anthony was in the laundry room and I walked in and said, “hey, am I an asshole to you”. He looked at me and said, “sometimes, yes”. I then had a perplexed look on my face like How Sway? I got defensive and said, “I don’t understand, I’m very compassionate, I care about people and I’m selfless.” He said, “this is true, but let’s face it sometimes you fall short.” Talk about a gut punch to my ego! Deep down I knew it was true which is why I asked, but another part of me wanted him to say oh no you’re so compassionate and selfless you can’t be an asshole too. So, I followed up and asked how can I work on this.
This my friends is where I let you in on all the secrets my Marriage Mirror has revealed to me! I’m a giver, but what my Marriage Mirror has forced me to see is that I like giving WHEN and HOW I want to do it. It’s easy for me to think of someone and PayPal them a quick $10-$20 and say lunch on me. The thing with marriage is there are NO DAYS OFF! Yes, you’re allowed to have bad days, but you still have to suck it up and participate. I can constantly say I’m a giver, but if I’m not constantly giving to Anthony WHEN and HOW he needs/wants it then does it really matter? I’m asking you all to hold me accountable to make sure I’m giving in the ways he needs and wants and not how I feel it should be.
I’m a Type A minus personality. I’m ALL in on some things and others I don’t give one care about. For instance I’m anal about my finances (down to the penny), but on the other hand, my side of the bedroom is STILL a complete MESS! My Marriage Mirror has forced me to let go of some situations and trust that Anthony can and will handle it. Having trust in him also means that I must be confident that he’ll do the things he said he would and there’s no need for me to follow behind him to ensure those things are done correctly (or the way I would do them). Listen, this is TOUGH for me, but Anthony hasn’t given me any reason to think that he can’t do it! This doubt all comes from my ego and the thought that because I’m me I can do it better. Hahaha what a notion and such a high evaluation of myself, but what do I always say…it’s Tuesday so I tell the TRUTH! Just know I’m working on it. You guys should also help me clean my side of the bedroom lol.
The mirror doesn’t only apply to marriage! I believe we must surround ourselves with people who will push us and make us look in the mirror to recognize, accept and correct the things that are holding us back. It’s not always pretty and in the beginning you’ll probably be defensive, but all the good stuff is on the other side of defense. Trust me I get it, it’s TOUGH to look in the mirror and deal with all the things that make us uncomfortable or prove that one or some of our theories aren’t correct. Marriage as well as any other healthy relationship will force you out of your comfort zone and also force you to ask questions to the mirror mirror on the wall.
Until next time loves…