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We’re back from Denver, CO where we celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary. Last year, we went to Cancun and frolicked on the beach. Let’s not talk about us being at the wrong resort all week, and politely getting kicked out on our last day lol. That’s another story for another day. This Truth Tuesday I’m discussing the beauty in loving someone through their pain.
Last week, Anthony and I had a conversation and we both agreed on an adventure. Later, when it was time to go and I said, “I’ll pass”. He wanted to know why since we had already discussed our plan. Initially, I lashed out and said, “Yo, I can change my mind about whatever I want, whenever I want”. Usually, when someone lashes out it’s not about the other person, but instead about them. Well, in this case my lashing out was definitely about me. Hey, it’s Tuesday so I’m going to be 100% honest with yall!
I had an insecurity creep up on me, and I didn’t have time to process it before it was go time for our adventure. After a few minutes of self-reflection, I was able to somewhat express my insecurities to Anthony. Remember the blog post Without Conflict There’s No Change? I had to remember that even though I expressed myself and was ready to move towards resolution, that didn’t mean Anthony was ready to forgive me and move forward with having meaningful dialogue.
There are many layers to this situation. First, I was wrong for lashing out at Anthony about my own stuff. Secondly, I was wrong. I was struggling and sometimes (although it’s difficult) we must love someone through their pain. Before you say Sheena, how can you turn this on Anthony, you were in the wrong. Let me once again say, I WAS WRONG!
I was unsuccessful (at the time) at getting Anthony to see that although he was right, it was more important to love me through my pain. Don’t get me wrong, I’d be lying if I said every time I’m in this type of situation I rise above my fleshly feelings and choose unconditional compassion over shouting to the rooftops “BUT, I WAS RIGHT”!!!
So, I’m giving yall homework today. The next time someone has wronged you, but you clearly see it was due to their hurt/pain/shame, take a moment and step outside of your flesh and move in the spirit of compassion. I’m not asking you to be pushovers or give people unlimited chances that they don’t deserve. I’m asking that you give mercy and grace to someone you love/care about that is visibly hurting in that moment.
I’m publicly going on the record and asking Anthony to forgive me for my behavior. I’m also asking yall to choose compassion and remember to love others through their pain.
Until next time loves…
Great post Sheena! Yes, I feel like we can all name a time and place where our insecurities got the best of us. But you’re absolutely right about showing grace and love to someone who is hurting in that moment. It’s a great action to practice.
I looking forward to your future post about you guys getting kicked out of your resort…lol! 😉
Yes, insecurities will creep up on you but showing love and grace to others help with dealing with the insecurities
I love this. It’s challenging to do but necessary. xo
I agree to both…Very challenging but oh so necessary ❤️
awwww this is so good. I’m proud of you admitting your wrongs.
Gotta do it!!!
Love the message in this! Thanks for always being so honest
Thanks so much ❤️
I’ve definitely struggled with this in my relationships. My husband loved me through my pain but I did not love him through his. I promise to be more open to this in my next relationship.
I love your self-awareness ❤️
Great post. It’s strange because insecurities pop up out of no where. I’m sure Anthony forgives you.
They do pop up but I get them out. I can’t keep heavy stuff bottled in at all.
I do believe in giving people many chances. After all I have been granted many many passes throughout my life. Who am I then, to deny it to someone else?
Great advice
Those moments suck. Hopefully he will always be understanding and let you work through the issues you are facing with grace. The last thing you need is a big blow up in the relationship about something unrelated.
We’re both good at letting the other one express themselves wholely without judgment
This was a great post Sheena. I loved it!! Very insightful and challenging.
Thanks so much ❤️
I can relate to this 100%, Babe and I started counseling back in November. We waited 14 years to do it, but we are here. We have learned so much about each other and ourselves during this process. We still continue to go and this one of the things we learned. We did not have the proper tools we needed to handle this type of situation. Thank you for sharing your truth.
I definitely understand about getting those tools. We didn’t have them the first couple years of dating and it was tough.
You sure gave me something to think about it. It’s probably been practiced before, but I don’t think I’ve ever actively thought about loving the person through the pain before.
Yes, it’s so true in all relationships. Thanks for reading Terri. ❤️
That’s a very good lesson to learn. As in all relationships, these kinds of things go both ways. It’s great that you can at least admit that you were wrong and apologize! That’s always a huge first step
Yes, you’re correct everything goes both ways.
Thank you for sharing! I lash out when I’m frustrated and it’s something I’m really working on. Usually I come back and explain and so far my family has been understanding.
We all get like that at times but I love the fact that you go back and explain ❤️