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Of the 53 Tuesdays in 2019 I gave yall 8 truths, but somehow yall have stayed with me. As you’ll see some things have changed, but my use of YALL is never going anywhere. Last year was one of those years I will forever remember because a life altering event occurred. I gave birth to twin girls, and what I quickly discovered is people are OBSSESSED with twins. Being a black woman in America and successfully giving birth is a feat within itself not to mention delivering TWO and still being here to talk about. Listen, I’m grateful to still be here, and even more grateful that my pregnancy nor delivery were traumatic. Before I turn this into a mommy blog (sorry I don’t see that happening for now or ever) let me get to this week’s truth.
The date was Friday, September 12, 2014, and I was watching The Today Show as I waited on my friend so we could head to Atlanta for One Music Fest. They announced Nick Jonas was there to debut his new single, “Jealous” and that performance made me a fan. I bet you’re thinking Sheena you left us without a truth since June 2019 and you come back with some crazy story about Nick Jonas. So, let me hurry up and get to the point. In 2016 Nick released another album titled “Last Year Was Complicated” and ladies and gentlemen that title has inspired my first Truth Tuesday in 8 months.
Last year was complicated because my body grew and birthed two whole humans, but when I look back on 2019 I feel like I didn’t accomplish anything. I acknowledge that I did a HUGE thing, but I would be remised to acknowledge I also felt like I wasted a year. Before you start to tell me it takes time and show yourself grace. I don’t need to hear that nor is it healthy for me. I have a tendency to be lazy, and to get caught up in the hype of not being the in Nashville creatives’ in crowd! I’m the epitome of one of those people that God has given so much talent to, but they come up with some many excuses to not reach their potential. So, while my life looked differently during pregnancy I could have accomplished things that I chose not to do, and I could have accomplished those things without being in the in crowd as well. I hindered me!
Last week I went to therapy in what felt like forever. While still trying to heal from abandonment (PLEASE discover your traumas as early as you can because until you acknowledge them you can’t heal them) I realized I collect bad people. Let me rephrase that, bad people for me. These people could be amazing for other people’s lives, but not mine. Everything in life has a certain capacity and by holding on to these bad people my hands, heart, thoughts etc have reached capacity and it hinders me from other things. This is MY fault! It’s actually easier for me because I can keep them at arm’s length because they are self centered. So, when they ask about me it’s not genuine therefore I get away with giving them a simple “I’m good, the girls are good” and they can resume telling me about the amazing things in their life or how someone cut them off in traffic and it’s be biggest tragedy since slavery. In order to gain new things you have to let go of old ones, But, there’s always a moment of transition where you don’t have anything and that my friends is the part that scares the hell out of me.
How do I get better? I think it’s like anything else, you approach it head on and come up with a strategy that works for you but also challenges you. I’ve missed “talking” to yall because once I put these good words out there for others to read I can’t take it back. So, this year I will do things that scare me!
Before I head out let me tell you things that twin parents hate. I’m in a twin mom group for black moms and these things come up often. Yall gotta stop sending us all these crazy twin stories. We saw it just like you did and trust me a million people have sent it to us and we’re trying to be nice in our response, but it gets hard after the 5th person. DO NOT I REAPEAT DO NOT tell us God knew who to give them to. That’s just down right insulting! How is your singleton a blessing but our two a burden? There are a ton more, but I’m looking at the word tracker and research shows yall don’t like reading long posts so I’ll have to add more at another time.
Until next time…