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Unless you’re new to my blog, you know I often speak about the importance of a good ole fashion therapy session. I say often that therapy saved my life. I started going as an angry 27-year-old that was confused, hurt, scared and frustrated people didn’t see me the way I thought I saw myself. Although I’m no longer that person, I still require maintenance therefore I continue to attend. It’s only my opinion, but EVERYONE can benefit from therapy. I mean, it’s just magical! So, this week for Truth Tueaday I want to discuss my therapy session from last week.
Here are my three gems from that session:
- Expectations are tricky! Do I think we should have expectations? YES, but mine have a tendency to be too high. I have high expectations for myself and in turn I put them on others. When they don’t live up to them, I get frustrated. My homework for this issue is to learn how to set more realistic expectations while realizing some of those won’t be met. When frustrations happens, I must find a space to temporarily reside so I can process it in a healthy manner instead of shutting myself off from that individual. I’ll continue to set expectations, but slowly learn not to cling so tightly as if they’re the only gospel that matters.
- My ego gets me in trouble! I’m a do gooder (yep, I’m going with that word), and sometimes I use that to justify my ego. Not to get too Freudian on you, but the ego is described as the part that seeks to please the id’s drive in realistic ways that will benefit in the long-term. Most of the time I get too wrapped up in fairness and how things are “supposed” to go and I totally lose sight of what “IS”. Instead of accepting what “is” I focus on why it shouldn’t be and find ways to prove its incorrectness. I must learn that sometimes what should be just doesn’t happen and me projecting my ego with such loud bravado doesn’t change the fact that I’m really hurt and failing to accept what “is” in that moment. My homework for this issue is to know that it’s fine to project your ego at times because it can be positive, but learn to use it positively and not as a crutch when I’m hurt and afraid.
- Being a wife is hard! It’s hard, but not for the reasons you think. It’s very difficult for someone like me to be associated with being a wife 100% of the time. I’m well-rounded WOMAN and being a wife is not my sole identifier. Also, my definition of wife is drastically different from the norm, and it’s draining to be diminished down to tasks. Me standing at the altar exchanging vows was not the start of Anthony handing me a list of tasks to do. Yet, when I meet people and they talk about me as a wife it’s always boiled down to my “wifely duties”. I’m laughing as I type it because it sounds completely absurd to me! I told my therapist I feel like the unwife and I’m sick of being judged mainly by other wives. My homework for this issue is to keep being the type of wife that works for the HutchStew household, and to write a kick-a** blog post on the disproportionate burden of being a wife compared to being a husband. It’s sad there’s a strong narrative being told that’s not true for everyone. I know there’s some women (young and older) that have similar feelings/beliefs as me and I want them to know you don’t have to compromise those beliefs to be happily married.
I want yall to hold me accountable on these things, and to look into going to therapy. I promise you won’t regret it!
Until next time loves…
Excellent post!!!
Thanks so much for reading ❤️
I’m not a wife, but I’ve definitely struggled with number 3 in relationships. I have also had to learn how to set reasonable expectations because not that setting them can lead to frequent disappointment. I’m glad you were able to come up with action items for each issue. Seems like your therapist is magical. Thanks for sharing!
I definitely have to do better with expectations. She’s pretty great. Thanks for reading!
That expectation part was and sometimes still is very hard for me! I always have to remind myself to not reflect my expectations onto others. Thanks for sharing!
Yes Ashley me too! It can be tough but we’ve got this.
Great post. #1 is so me. Thanks for sharing.
Expectations are tough lol
I love this post and love that you are so open about your therapy sessions. Actually, a reminder that i need to find one for myself. I was seeing one in the past but I didn’t like her and just stopped going. I need to give myself time to find one that I clique with and feel comfortable talking too.
Yes I actually had a part in the blog about finding a good one and that it can take some time but I had to cut that part during editing. I’m sure you’ll find one that you love. Thanks for reading! ❤️
YES!!! Expectations must be that conversation everyone is having this year. I’ve learned that my expectations are just that mine and they may not match others. ALSO THERAPY IS LIFE!
Right, they are ours and I definitely gotta learn not to put them on others. I’m over here shaking my head going yaaasss therapy is life lol.
Thank you for being so transparent in this post. Therapy often gets a bad rep, but it’s so beneficial and worth it.
You’re so right, it does get a bad rep. It’s definitely worth it!
I am a proponent of therapy and have been going on and off for over 25 years. I had to convince my husband we needed to go occasionally even when things are going good so we can be equipped when things are rocky
Yes!!! It’s so good to go even in the good times. I’ve been going off and on for 8 years.
Love this! I love that more people are not only going to therapy now (especially black men and women) but are talking about it. Perhaps it’ll seem less taboo and more people will be willing to seek help when they needed! Thank you for sharing!
Yes, you’re right it’s so taboo in our community but I’m one of many that’s trying to change the narrative on this subject. Thanks so much for reading! ❤️
Babe and I started going to therapy a couple of months ago. It’s the best decision I’ve ever made.
Awesome!!! I know you’ll grow stronger because of it.
My husband And I started going to therapy after losing one of our twins and it was the best decision. EVER!! It helped us learn how to go on with life after a tragic event and also learn how each other grieves! I think we should all have expectations but realistic ones, sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves so I know this is something I have to check myself on often!
I’m so sorry for your loss! I’m happy you two decided to go too therapy to help with the healing process. ❤️❤️❤️
Here’s the thing, and I know these words are now cliche, but you have to “Do you.” So many people have advice, will tell you about your relationship faults, but are barely holding on to their own. In essence, find out what works in your life and be happy being you.
You’re so right!!!
It’s definitely important to be realistic. And humility helps me not to get too beside myself. As the Bible says: “Pride is before a crash”. When I see that I’m getting “caught up” in my own view of the way things should be, I tell myself “it’s not about you boo”. I figure it’s better to come from me TO me, than from someone else to me. That helps a ton.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 yes!!!!!
I was the unwife too and I am glad I was because as a widow I now know how important it was for me to be more than “wifely” tasks. Do you. Looking forward to your post on this.
Yes, we’re so much more than wifely tasks
Therapy works wonders. Coincidentally, I also started going at the age of 27 after experiencing a dark period of depression. Anytime I need direction or objective input on an issue, I schedule a session.
Yes, me too! Glad you still attend when needed.
Girl the way my expectations are set up, EVERYBODY and they mama has let me down! I know it’s something I need to work on too, but it’s so hard when you know you’d do it for others. Sometimes I have to take a step back and think about the situation fully before getting upset. Like I expected someone to call today, but then I remember he’s working, and probably tired, so why bother making it an issue?
Yes!!!!! If no one else feels you I do. But we’ll both work on this.
im so glad that I found your blog again. Sheena you breathe life!!!
This just made my day!!! 😘
I agree that everyone can benefit from therapy. I will admit that I have gone and not many of my friends and family know that about me. It helps, especially when you just need someone to LISTEN.
Yes, you’re so right. I’m happy you decided to go. ❤️