Images By: Ivory Door Studio
If you haven’t noticed by now, I’m very moved by music. I was introduced to a group called Thirdstory a couple of months ago, and last week I connected with a song called “Searching For A Feeling”. This week’s Truth Tuesday I’ll explore this song.
I was struck most by one single line of the song and, in true Sheena fashion, I waited until 11:30pm to discuss this with Anthony when he was half asleep. I think he’s finally learned that it’s easier to just humor me for a bit and then he can return to sleep. I told him the line that really touched me was “I can’t give you something I can’t find”. Yooooo, let that just sit with you for a second.
I’ve thought about this one line for the past week, and I’ve attached it to so many times in my life and our relationship. If you read my very first Truth Tuesday – Before HutchStew We Were Just Ordinary People then you know, “one of us was immature (Hutch) and the other one was merely imitating relationships they’d witnessed by watching fragmented people (Stew)”.
I was pushy in wanting this relationship to work, because I’d never been in a relationship before. Due to me imitating fragmented people, I was trying to give him something I couldn’t find (a healthy relationship). I forced him into many situations because that’s what people in relationships do (again, I was imitating the wrong people). Like the song says, I’ll be searching for a feeling. I’ve got every reason to feel. Tell me you want me, tell me you NEED me to love you. I was searching for a feeling of love and to be needed, but my friends I couldn’t require that of him when it was something I wasn’t capable of giving at the time.
Did you think I was going to leave Hutch out of this one? He was immature in his way of thinking. He thought, “you shouldn’t be there when I fall down”. Meaning he wasn’t ready for someone to see him at his worst. He thought he had to have it all together before diving into a relationship. He couldn’t give me something he couldn’t find (success), so he thought it was best to wait until he found it.
I feel we all have a tendency to search hard for a feeling not realizing we owe it to ourselves and the ones closest to us to just live. The feeling will come when it’s supposed to come, and most times when we track it down like prey it doesn’t taste as sweet. I remember one time, Anthony gave into one of my many demands, and I felt empty afterwards. In that moment, I was STILL searching for a feeling because I didn’t achieve it correctly.
Present day, we’re both better communicators and verbalize what we’re lacking. We also know that while we’re searching for a feeling if we only open our mouths, the answer (or at least a clue) could simply be tucked away within our mate.
He’s no longer immature in thinking I can’t see him at his worst. And let’s all say a collective Thank God I’m no longer imitating fragmented people. There will still be times, when we can’t give each other something we haven’t found yet, but remember what I said a couple of weeks ago about the scales not being balanced? Yep, that means while one of us is searching for that feeling the other one must support them while also carrying more of the load for a short while.
What are you searching for now a days?
Until next time loves…
Great post as usual!! That line is deep.
I’m searching for total happiness and peace. Regardless of what’s going on around me.
Girl me too!!!
Great post! I had to learn I can’t ask for something from someone I don’t have within myself. Therefore, I have to work on me first and the expression of myself will meet and uplift the spirit/expression of others around me.
I love this!!! It’s so true ❤️
If you had asked that question years ago..there would have been a list of things I was seeking. When I met my husband, the number one thing I was searching for was stability. Currently job searching. .
I wish you luck in looking for a new position
So beautifully written Sheena. Thank you for this. Now I’m on my way to listen to that song!
It’s a great album
Now a days I’m searching for peace and self-love. When my husband passed I realized how much work I needed to do within. I’m still working on me and that is good enough right now.
Yes ma’am we’re all definitely a work in progress ❤️
I’m probably searching for peace the most. I tend to avoid the difficult things, so I am anxious a lot.
Peace is definitely a good one!
Well this is a deep way of looking at things. I think i been there too in relationships it is hard to give something you cant find or havent ever experienced thats why its so hard because when you find it is through trial and error.
Definitely a lot of trial and error in relationships
Awesome post Sheena! You always put things into a perspective that I haven’t thought about. Thank you so much for sharing! What I’m searching for peace and to not be so anxious at times.❤
Those are two big ones for me too
So many men feel the same way as he does. It struck me when he stated, “ ‘You shouldn’t be there when I fall down.’ Meaning he wasn’t ready for someone to see him at his worst.” Our men struggle with carry the world on their shoulders and don’t want us to see them less than heroes. This sentiment is a reminder that we have to constantly be supportive no matter what,
Yes!!!! This is so true.
Great post, Sheena! Your analysis of the lyrics and your experience was so thoughtful. It really resonated with me.
Thanks so much for reading and glad you were able to find a connection
What am I searching for? A new job that offers flexibility and telcommuting and more money….. and time.
I work remotely and love it
More hours in a day? Peace within myself so I can peacefully parent. This was a great post and even. the comments before mine have provoked thought.
Peace is always a good one ❤️