I think the story of Hansel and Gretel is way deeper than we give credit. They didn’t know exactly what was ahead of them, so they came up with a plan that would lead them back home. I’m a person that believes home is where the heart is. I have places I’m always welcomed with no questions asked, and that makes these places home. It’s the comfort, love, and security I feel when I’m there. This Truth Tuesday I want to tell you the story of me leaving my own “white pebbles” on a trail that would eventually lead me home.
When Anthony and I started dating I instantly felt a connection. Don’t get me wrong it took us years to get it together, but initially I felt this was going to be something special. Guess what I did next…I PANICKED!!! I thought what am I supposed to do, how am I supposed to act, what’s next. A ton of questions that I shouldn’t have been asking myself, but when something is new we tend to bog our minds with countless scenarios.
I had major control issues back then (now, they are only minor lol). Although I felt this was something special, I couldn’t fully let myself lose control and accept the process of dating him. Every time we moved a step forward I thought wait, what’s next, what if I can’t do it. My thoughts turned into actions, and I would start arguments or become emotionally unavailable. I told myself that I had to come up with a plan to help me ease into this relationship, learn to be vulnerable and fully experience what was ahead.
One day, I had my Hansel and Gretel moment! Although it was early in the relationship Anthony felt special, he felt like love, he felt like HOME! I knew there would continue to be moments when I wanted to quit and give up, but in those moments I had to remind myself that Anthony was HOME. I went to a craft store, bought a foam heart, and cut it into 20 pieces. I told myself every time he does something that makes you feel loved, secure or comfort (all the things I feel when I’m at home) give him a piece of your heart.
Anthony had NO clue what was going on. One night he was leaving my apartment, and I handed him a piece of my heart. I said just keep this in a safe place, and I’ll tell you the whole story later. I gave him pieces of course for the obvious things like surprises and gifts but also for those times when he came to my apartment and we did nothing. Those were times of comfort and security and yep, that’s HOME! There were so many times I let fear get the best of me, and I wanted to flee. In those moments I had to “drop a pebble” in hopes that it would eventually lead me back home.
This helped with my control because I knew I started with 20 pieces. I would get upset about something and tell myself well he only has 3 pieces and I have 17 so I’m still in control. The day I gave him the 11th piece of my heart I was so scared. I had to have a “heart to heart” (pun intended lol) with myself and say he doesn’t have control because you two are working to building something together. We’re teammates not competitors!
Instead of giving him the 20th piece of my heart, I asked for the other 19 pieces. I had all the pieces again and just like when Hansel and Gretel followed their trail, I took all 20 pieces and put the heart back together and gave it to him. I was comfortable with that, because I had followed the pieces of my heart all the way back HOME!
Until next time loves…