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When I was a little girl growing up in the best decade ever (90s), my mom listened to a lot of R&B. You can play ANY Luther or Babyface song, and I’ll sing my heart out. I don’t recall her playing Anita Baker, and I’m sure that’s why until recently I only knew all the words to one of her songs (Sweet Love). When she announced her farewell tour, and everyone went bananas I thought it was time to take a listen to her other songs. Yall, I didn’t know what I’ve been missing. This woman’s voice is freaking amazing, and the depths of the songs are definitely for the soul. I recently attended one of Anita’s farewell concerts here in Nashville, and she DID NOT DISAPPOINT!!! This week’s Truth Tuesday I’ll be discussing giving your partner the best you’ve got, and how sometimes your best isn’t great.
Auntie Anita opens up the song “Giving You The Best That I’ve Got” by saying, “ain’t there something I can give you in exchange for everything you give me…the scales are sometimes unbalanced and you bear the weight of all that has to be”. There is a lot of debate online about 50/50 or 100/100 in a relationship. To me, it’s all semantics and all it means is people are seeking relationships where both parties are constantly striving for greatness. BUT, let me tell you, sometimes my best doesn’t even equal good let alone greatness. I don’t set out to ever be a bad spouse, but life happens and sometimes I react in unpleasant ways.
Sometimes I think, is there more I could be doing, is there something I’m not doing well enough, is there something I can give Anthony in exchange for how well he treats me? Then, I think, I’m already doing it. I can say with 100% confidence that Anthony gives me the best that he’s got, but just like me sometimes his best doesn’t equal greatness. In those moments, I’m giving him the best I’ve got and adding on more to cover what he’s lacking. At times, those moments are fleeting, but other times it takes a little longer for one of us to admit their wrong doings and for that scale auntie sang about to be balanced again.
That’s the thing about marriage, in the moments when that scale is balanced chile take a picture, a boomerang and save it to your Dropbox. I say that because we’re humans and life is so fluid that we as well as our emotions change on a dime. That scale is usually moving even if just slightly, which mean someone is bearing more weight than the other. Hey, it’s Tuesday so I’m keeping it all the way TRUTHFUL.
So, how do you make it through? If you’re carrying any type of weight you have to be strong enough to carry it. When I got back in the gym three months ago I couldn’t do as much as previously, but I worked at it little by little until I was able to conquer heavier weights and more difficult workouts. It’s the same with marriage, two years ago I couldn’t bear as much weight as I can now. That came from little by little working on myself and working on my marriage with Anthony.
One of my favorite things about our marriage is something Auntie Anita sang about, “we love so strong and so unselfishly”. Our ability to be unselfish is something that keeps our marriage strong and honestly keeps us from having entitlement issues. No one person is bigger than the union, and neither of us is beneath doing a specific job. I say it often, but having no head of household keeps us on a level playing field.
Auntie closes out the song by saying, “I bet everything on my wedding ring, I’m giving you the best that I’ve got”. I’ll say, I bet everything on my wedding ring that I’ll always strive to give Hutch my best but sometimes my best isn’t pretty.
Has your best ever not equaled greatness?
Until next time loves…
Great post and so true! I never understood the 50/50 concept cause sometimes I need my husband to be there more for me when I’m not feeling 100%. So that may look like 70/30 and on other days I give more. We give each other what we need when it’s needed. We both can’t be at 30/30 then the balance would be off. I’m striving daily to be a the best version of myself but nobody is perfect so I’m glad my husband loves me, flaws and all.
Yes!!!!! I agree, it just depends on the day. It’s all so fluid. ❤️
Love this post! Great way to look at marriage and what each partner is contributing. Your best is your best (for better or for worse). So, it’s a blessing to have someone who balances that.
I like that, your best is your best ❤️
Great post and perspective!
Thanks for reading
I love me some Anita Baker, I’m a young old head for sure. I know all the old school jams and love to sing them at the top of my lungs.
I’m trying to do better at giving the best that I’ve got. I suck at saying sorry and apologizing when I’m wrong.
Anita was AMAZING!!! Appreciate your honesty. ❤️
Awww I just love this. I know I say it all the time but I love talks love. It’s yours and you all are doing it your way. Love it!!
Yes, we do love the HutchStew way ❤️
I love me some Anita Baker. This is one of her best songs and it has a great message. I love how you broke it down and applied it to your marriage.
Thanks so much!!! ❤️
Anita Baker has an amazingly beautiful voice…love her. I love the analogy between her music and relationship matters. Awesome.
She was awesome and thanks so much
Sometimes marriage can be hard because you have two individuals that can both be selfish at times. That’s definitely not our best. But marriage is all about the ups and the downs good and bad.
Yes I’m so thankful that we both selfless people. It definitely helps.
This is a WORD! These days a lot of my best isn’t THE best, so dealing with that has been hard. All I can hope is that they kids and my hubby understand that it is the best that I have to give at this time…
I love your response! I definitely understand exactly where you’re coming from. I think we’ve all been there as wives.
In my opinion too much weight is placed on balance because I don’t think that was the plan for marriage at all. Just like you stated our best isn’t always equal to greatness and when it isn’t that is when our helpmate should step up to the plate and add in the difference.
I totally agree! It’s very rare that the scale is completely balanced. That’s not realistic. Thanks so much for reading. ❤️❤️❤️
This is a great post about marriage and finding a balanced of efforts with your spouse. Not being selfish is so important in any relationship.
Thanks girl 😘