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When I was a little girl growing up in the best decade ever (90s), my mom listened to a lot of R&B. You can play ANY Luther or Babyface song, and I’ll sing my heart out. I don’t recall her playing Anita Baker, and I’m sure that’s why until recently I only knew all the words to one of her songs (Sweet Love). When she announced her farewell tour, and everyone went bananas I thought it was time to take a listen to her other songs. Yall, I didn’t know what I’ve been missing. This woman’s voice is freaking amazing, and the depths of the songs are definitely for the soul. I recently attended one of Anita’s farewell concerts here in Nashville, and she DID NOT DISAPPOINT!!! This week’s Truth Tuesday I’ll be discussing giving your partner the best you’ve got, and how sometimes your best isn’t great.
Auntie Anita opens up the song “Giving You The Best That I’ve Got” by saying, “ain’t there something I can give you in exchange for everything you give me…the scales are sometimes unbalanced and you bear the weight of all that has to be”. There is a lot of debate online about 50/50 or 100/100 in a relationship. To me, it’s all semantics and all it means is people are seeking relationships where both parties are constantly striving for greatness. BUT, let me tell you, sometimes my best doesn’t even equal good let alone greatness. I don’t set out to ever be a bad spouse, but life happens and sometimes I react in unpleasant ways.
Sometimes I think, is there more I could be doing, is there something I’m not doing well enough, is there something I can give Anthony in exchange for how well he treats me? Then, I think, I’m already doing it. I can say with 100% confidence that Anthony gives me the best that he’s got, but just like me sometimes his best doesn’t equal greatness. In those moments, I’m giving him the best I’ve got and adding on more to cover what he’s lacking. At times, those moments are fleeting, but other times it takes a little longer for one of us to admit their wrong doings and for that scale auntie sang about to be balanced again.
That’s the thing about marriage, in the moments when that scale is balanced chile take a picture, a boomerang and save it to your Dropbox. I say that because we’re humans and life is so fluid that we as well as our emotions change on a dime. That scale is usually moving even if just slightly, which mean someone is bearing more weight than the other. Hey, it’s Tuesday so I’m keeping it all the way TRUTHFUL.
So, how do you make it through? If you’re carrying any type of weight you have to be strong enough to carry it. When I got back in the gym three months ago I couldn’t do as much as previously, but I worked at it little by little until I was able to conquer heavier weights and more difficult workouts. It’s the same with marriage, two years ago I couldn’t bear as much weight as I can now. That came from little by little working on myself and working on my marriage with Anthony.
One of my favorite things about our marriage is something Auntie Anita sang about, “we love so strong and so unselfishly”. Our ability to be unselfish is something that keeps our marriage strong and honestly keeps us from having entitlement issues. No one person is bigger than the union, and neither of us is beneath doing a specific job. I say it often, but having no head of household keeps us on a level playing field.
Auntie closes out the song by saying, “I bet everything on my wedding ring, I’m giving you the best that I’ve got”. I’ll say, I bet everything on my wedding ring that I’ll always strive to give Hutch my best but sometimes my best isn’t pretty.
Has your best ever not equaled greatness?
Until next time loves…