Images By Ivory Door Studio
The year was 1993 and Salt N Pepa released their song “Whatta Man”. Little kid me didn’t fully understand the song, but it was catchy and I knew they were saying their dude was great. This Truth Tuesday I want to discuss how having a good man sometimes cast a shadow over good wives.
I’ve fully embraced my role as the “relationship blogger” and I don’t mind talking about relationships with strangers, friends or others in between. My willingness to talk and my openness usually leads me down a path of revealing real life situations Anthony and I have encountered. I can’t just write these blogs on Tuesday and not be willing to being open when speaking about it.
What I’ve noticed is after I tell a story or honestly answer a relationship question, I’m met with “Poor Anthony” or “I’m going to pray for Anthony” or “How does he put up with you”. While on the other hand, I often receive a lot of, “Anthony is such an amazing husband” or “Can Anthony be cloned” or “Does Anthony have any brothers”. At first, I thought they’re just joking it’s not that serious, but then it hit me although slightly joking they believe there’s some truth to what they’re saying.
First, let me say, you’re right, Anthony is F’ing AMAZING, not just as a husband, but he’s also a good human. And upon more reflection, I’ve deemed that I received these comments (about him and me) because our (society) expectations for wives and husbands are completely skewed. We don’t view them as equal parts of a whole.
So, how do we change this? I think it starts with creating spaces that give us permission to be open/honest about marriage without judgement or being labeled as a bad wife. We often talk about diversity and inclusion in the workforce, entertainment and politics, but I think we also need it within the marriage community. Every marriage isn’t built the same, and the more we see different versions displayed the easier it becomes for people to feel comfortable and speak their own truth. With those truths comes the realization that at any given time one mate is hard to handle and that’s normal.
Women are strong, beautiful creatures put here to bring a plethora of amazing things to the world. But, what we’re not are vessels that are used to solely take the bad and turn it into good while the world looks on and says that’s what’s expected of her. We should celebrate the courage it takes to admit when we need help or we don’t have an answer. But instead we tend to be condemned in those moments and told that people feel sorry for our husbands. I wrote a blog titled, Giving You The Best That I’ve Got Doesn’t Always Equal Greatness and I talk about how both parties have moments when they struggle.
Let’s move forward by encouraging your sisters, friends, cousins and strangers that are amazing wives. Send her text/email or give her a call simply to say, girl you’re F’ing amazing!
Have any other wives ever experienced something similar?
Until next time loves…
Enjoyed reading. I believe there’s at least a little truth in every joke as well., but I think some of the comments could be bc we most often hear your relationship stories from your perspective, and you’re typically (from posts I read) more forthcoming about your flaws. Anywho, I think you should be celebrated as a good wife as well.
Great post as usual!! You are a great wife and the TBT post prove it. I told You, you’re going to be my coach. LOL!
Thanks love ❤️
Thank you for sharing your amazing and special posts! Great job!
Yes to all of this. I hate that women are often times considered less than in comparison to husbands. Great topic.
I agree and thanks for reading
I know several amazing wives and know they also consider themselves that but are not allowed to say to avoid appearing “too confident”. Thank you for sharing your feelings.
I know some that fall in that category too. We should all be able to say how we truly feel.
You guys make a great couple. I think you and your spouse bring out the best in each other, meaning your’re an equally good wife.
Thanks so much Stacie ❤️
I love this. I think it is such a good thing to let you friends know they are the bomb as wives, mothers, etc. Lots of times people say “he is a good man” for basic things. Women need that affirmation too.
I have heard people say this a lot. We also usually share the most amazing qualities about our mates. Honestly, for a marriage to work, the husband has to be amazing and the wife has to be amazing. That does not mean each does not come with their own set of quirks.
My Babe has a brother, but their personalities are nothing alike. While they are both great in their own right they are different. Also, some of Babe’s amazingness is because he has me as a partner. Duh! lol
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 I need you as a guest on my future podcast
Does your hubby ever write posts from his perspective? I wonder what perspective would it provide to your audience. Regardless what every one thinks, from what I can see you are amazing. I can’t wait until we meet in person. I love that fact that you are open and brave tell about the good and bad of your marriage.
Yes, he’s written a few but definitely needs to write more. I think they’re not getting the full picture lol. Thanks Tiffany.
Many truth is said in jester. Everyone has different sides to them. At the end of it people just want to emulate a great relationship.
Thanks for reading
We all want someone who understands our quirks. It seems that you have that with your hubby. That may be the reasoning behind some of the comments. Other times it comes from a place of negativity as you say. In my mind that means a hint of jealously. LOL! Just keep it moving. Because even though you’re writing this blog, there are only 2 people waking up in bed next to one another and that’s you and the Mista.
I always LOVE your comments. Thanks so much!!! ❤️❤️❤️
Relationships are tough and they take a lot of work. Thank you for sharing yours with us!
Thanks so much
You and your husband seem like such a great couple. I can see how the expectations can be skewed, which is unfortunate. I’ll definitely make sure to encourage/compliment my family and friends who are wives.
I celebrate your bravery to be so transparent about your relationship. Although I blog quite a bit about our son, I don’t share much about my husband because he’s a very private person.
Yes, you definitely have to respect other’s privacy