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The year was 1993 and Salt N Pepa released their song “Whatta Man”. Little kid me didn’t fully understand the song, but it was catchy and I knew they were saying their dude was great. This Truth Tuesday I want to discuss how having a good man sometimes cast a shadow over good wives.
I’ve fully embraced my role as the “relationship blogger” and I don’t mind talking about relationships with strangers, friends or others in between. My willingness to talk and my openness usually leads me down a path of revealing real life situations Anthony and I have encountered. I can’t just write these blogs on Tuesday and not be willing to being open when speaking about it.
What I’ve noticed is after I tell a story or honestly answer a relationship question, I’m met with “Poor Anthony” or “I’m going to pray for Anthony” or “How does he put up with you”. While on the other hand, I often receive a lot of, “Anthony is such an amazing husband” or “Can Anthony be cloned” or “Does Anthony have any brothers”. At first, I thought they’re just joking it’s not that serious, but then it hit me although slightly joking they believe there’s some truth to what they’re saying.
First, let me say, you’re right, Anthony is F’ing AMAZING, not just as a husband, but he’s also a good human. And upon more reflection, I’ve deemed that I received these comments (about him and me) because our (society) expectations for wives and husbands are completely skewed. We don’t view them as equal parts of a whole.
So, how do we change this? I think it starts with creating spaces that give us permission to be open/honest about marriage without judgement or being labeled as a bad wife. We often talk about diversity and inclusion in the workforce, entertainment and politics, but I think we also need it within the marriage community. Every marriage isn’t built the same, and the more we see different versions displayed the easier it becomes for people to feel comfortable and speak their own truth. With those truths comes the realization that at any given time one mate is hard to handle and that’s normal.
Women are strong, beautiful creatures put here to bring a plethora of amazing things to the world. But, what we’re not are vessels that are used to solely take the bad and turn it into good while the world looks on and says that’s what’s expected of her. We should celebrate the courage it takes to admit when we need help or we don’t have an answer. But instead we tend to be condemned in those moments and told that people feel sorry for our husbands. I wrote a blog titled, Giving You The Best That I’ve Got Doesn’t Always Equal Greatness and I talk about how both parties have moments when they struggle.
Let’s move forward by encouraging your sisters, friends, cousins and strangers that are amazing wives. Send her text/email or give her a call simply to say, girl you’re F’ing amazing!
Have any other wives ever experienced something similar?
Until next time loves…