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I remember playing a game at my bridal shower that involved everyone writing down advice for marriage. There were multiple people that said, “never go to bed angry”. In theory this makes sense. You never want to go to bed angry at your spouse because what if one of you don’t awake or what if you awake the next morning and are still mad and start your day off wrong? I get it, it all makes sense. There’s only one slight problem, I’m human, I have feelings and I maneuver my way through them often. This Truth Tuesday I’d like to speak to yall about the other side of the pillow (you see what I did there), and what happens when you do go to bed angry and God forbid you awake the next morning STILL mad.
This week, I won’t break down a whole song for yall, but the title of this blog is a song by John Mayer. It’s about a man begging his girl to come back to bed and not be angry with him anymore. Go listen to it! I briefly talked about this and generational curses in my blog titled, Sons, Daughters and Generational Curses.
One night last week, I was getting ready for bed, and Anthony said something to me. I felt he was being very hypocritical. I already had in my mind, “as soon as I finish I’m grabbing my little stuff and going upstairs to sleep”. So, that’s just what I did. As I walked out of the room and upstairs, I could hear him behind me sighing and saying, “why are you doing this, just come back to bed”. Me, “naw bruh, I’m good”.
We both trucked upstairs and had about 15 minutes of non productive conversation. I was moving around the room so I finally pulled up a chair in front of where he was standing and started a real adult conversation. We got passed the fluff, all the on the surface hurt feelings to the “at the root” problem (for both of us). For me, I felt he was being a hypocrite, and I was offended by what he said. He felt like I was maneuvering within double standards and he was also offended that “I took my ball (pillow) and went home (upstairs).
Let me tell yall something whether it’s a heavy discussion or full blown argument HutchStew doesn’t do either one of those quickly! It was a little after midnight when we started, and I didn’t lie down until 1:30am. We talked and worked through our issues, but since we’re humans and we have feelings that doesn’t mean all was forgiven that night. I felt better when I finally rested my head on the pillow, but I’d be lying if I said I was fully at peace with the situation. My friends, I slept upstairs that night and Anthony went back downstairs.
Did I go to bed angry that night? I won’t say angry, but I wasn’t happy. The next morning was it over for me, NOPE! Anthony came upstairs to tell me goodbye before he left for work, and on a scale of 1-10 I was probably a 7. I would say later that day I felt peace about it and began to make mental notes of what I learned from that situation and then let everything else go.
So, I wish I could tell yall that I never go to bed angry, but it’s Tuesday and I tell TRUTHS! I do, but I don’t feel bad about it, because I have to process things in a way that works best for me so in turn I can be a great spouse to him.
Have you ever gone to bed angry?
Until next time loves…
Once again great truth Sheena! I have practice this is my past relationships and I can say sometimes we were successful and others times we weren’t. However, it’s like you said we all aren’t perfect. And that fact that we tried to resolve it does show some growth. What was most important for me was to be transparent with situation at hand and to not let it go on for too many days. Thanks for sharing!
Yes, when you let it go on for days and days things start to build up
Thanks for sharing your truth. I think we’ve all been there before.
Love this post!! Yes, I’ve gone to bed upset but each time I pray & ask God for understanding. Cause they can WERK a last nerve Hunty .. lol
Yes, definitely pray for understanding because like you said 😂😂😂
Oh, I got to bed now-a-days with the idea of getting sleep. I can’t let being mad cause me a night’s rest. I love sleep, it’s so good to me. Mad or not, I’m hitting that pillow. I wake up too early not to get some good sleep, I guess I’m getting old.
OMG! I try not to go to bed angry, I may be upset but never angry. I try to turn off whatever random negative thoughts that are going through my head because I don’t want my thoughts before bed to manifest in the morning turning the situation into anything more than what it is (if that make sense).
Yes, this makes sense!!! I try to get to a better understanding of something before going to bed might not be ask the way through it but not angry.
I needed your blog when my hubs was alive and we were going through. Thank you for sharing your black love story. The good and the lessons too.
I love the good and the lessons too ❤️❤️❤️
I love the honesty in this! That statement is kinda like one of those things that is much easier said than done. The best part is that you made mental notes and learned from it.
This definitely falls in the “easier said than done category” lol.
Yes! Sometimes I can sit in my feelings for a while. Staying married means working it out, but you we have to keep it real with ourselves and spouses. Thanks for sharing your wisdom.
You’re so right, staying married means working it out.
When I go to bed angry, it is usually the WORST sleep ever. I try not to do it, but life happens, and we have to get up early or something and I don’t have the time to go through each thing that has pissed me off. We can usually get through it in the morning when we have both thought it over.
We’ve definitely had some morning where we wake up early and work things out before heading to work
I am a grudge holder, I could go days just moving around one another not speaking. That is terrible in a relationship I have to make a conscience effort to talk it out and let it go. I’m not healed but I haven’t done it in almost two months.
I absolutely love your honesty ❤️
Been angry for about 3 days and confession I’m ready to not be angry but resisting being the first to fold. My pride is eating me alive! Thank you for this peace/piece put somethings in perspective.
So happy you could connect and I hope you’re able to work things out
I wish I could say I’ve gone to bed w/o being angry with my husband, but that ain’t happening. At some point it’s better to be rested for the day than to go back-forth over an issue.
This is so true!
Have I gone to bed angry …yes but have I gone to sleep angry …no. Early in our relationship , we learned to resolve and communicate whatever it was someone was mad about.
I would love to not go to be angry but sometimes the other person won’t let things go. Then it’s up to you to be the bigger one. But I admit sometimes I don’t want to be. 😉
Thanks for your honesty
It’s so hard to sleep next to someone you’re angry with. Your mind keeps racing about the situation. I normally stay up a little later when I’m upset to think things through. Am I still mad in the morning, sometimes, but at least I’ve had a chance to calm down.
Yes, calming down first is always good
I would be lying if I said I’ve never been here! I have even gotten more upset because I usually toss and turn because I don’t like arguing! Then I get mad because he’s sleep, most times I wake my husband up so we can sort things out because I dont like going to sleep angry.
I’ve been there. Thanks for your honesty! ❤️
I’ve definitely gone to bed angry although I’m the one in our marriage who swore that would never happen. Yet as you said we are human. Getting over things doesn’t always happen before the sun goes down or even when it rises. It takes time. To ‘fake’ being over something is much worse than simply letting your feelings heal in their own way. I don’t believe in holding on to things but I do believe in giving myself the time (and at times space) to release them.
Yes to ALL of what you said!!!
I love your honesty about marriage. I am going to listen to that John Meyer song but we should all not try to go to bed mad, communication should be hand as much as you can in my opinion.