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I remember playing a game at my bridal shower that involved everyone writing down advice for marriage. There were multiple people that said, “never go to bed angry”. In theory this makes sense. You never want to go to bed angry at your spouse because what if one of you don’t awake or what if you awake the next morning and are still mad and start your day off wrong? I get it, it all makes sense. There’s only one slight problem, I’m human, I have feelings and I maneuver my way through them often. This Truth Tuesday I’d like to speak to yall about the other side of the pillow (you see what I did there), and what happens when you do go to bed angry and God forbid you awake the next morning STILL mad.
This week, I won’t break down a whole song for yall, but the title of this blog is a song by John Mayer. It’s about a man begging his girl to come back to bed and not be angry with him anymore. Go listen to it! I briefly talked about this and generational curses in my blog titled, Sons, Daughters and Generational Curses.
One night last week, I was getting ready for bed, and Anthony said something to me. I felt he was being very hypocritical. I already had in my mind, “as soon as I finish I’m grabbing my little stuff and going upstairs to sleep”. So, that’s just what I did. As I walked out of the room and upstairs, I could hear him behind me sighing and saying, “why are you doing this, just come back to bed”. Me, “naw bruh, I’m good”.
We both trucked upstairs and had about 15 minutes of non productive conversation. I was moving around the room so I finally pulled up a chair in front of where he was standing and started a real adult conversation. We got passed the fluff, all the on the surface hurt feelings to the “at the root” problem (for both of us). For me, I felt he was being a hypocrite, and I was offended by what he said. He felt like I was maneuvering within double standards and he was also offended that “I took my ball (pillow) and went home (upstairs).
Let me tell yall something whether it’s a heavy discussion or full blown argument HutchStew doesn’t do either one of those quickly! It was a little after midnight when we started, and I didn’t lie down until 1:30am. We talked and worked through our issues, but since we’re humans and we have feelings that doesn’t mean all was forgiven that night. I felt better when I finally rested my head on the pillow, but I’d be lying if I said I was fully at peace with the situation. My friends, I slept upstairs that night and Anthony went back downstairs.
Did I go to bed angry that night? I won’t say angry, but I wasn’t happy. The next morning was it over for me, NOPE! Anthony came upstairs to tell me goodbye before he left for work, and on a scale of 1-10 I was probably a 7. I would say later that day I felt peace about it and began to make mental notes of what I learned from that situation and then let everything else go.
So, I wish I could tell yall that I never go to bed angry, but it’s Tuesday and I tell TRUTHS! I do, but I don’t feel bad about it, because I have to process things in a way that works best for me so in turn I can be a great spouse to him.
Have you ever gone to bed angry?
Until next time loves…