Before we got married, we sat down and had several conversations about our expectations of marriage. We went to couples therapy before we were even engaged (check out Before HutchStew We Were Ordinary People), and learned a lot about ourselves as well as each other. During our two years of marriage, we’ve continued to work on our communication and we’ve both made it not only a priority but a priority with an asterisk to symbolize its high importance. In true HutchStew fashion we recently talked about our expectations once again. Listen, they change my friends! This Truth Tuesday we’re BOTH on the blog giving you a dose of truth about expectations.
It’s been said that expectations are premeditated resentment. Yooooo, I can relate to this, and I recently talked about it in my blog post titled Last Week I Went To Therapy. My mom always tells me expectations are a quick route to disappointment. I do think we should have expectations, but we must be careful with them. One way Anthony and I eliminated a lot of unnecessary premeditated resentment is to remove gender roles from our marriage. It’s too heavy of a burden for one of us to be solely responsible for certain actions simply because of what is between our legs. It’s very outdated (in our opinion), unrealistic and serves as a breeding ground for future arguments.
So, I bet you’re wondering well what are your expectations. Well, I’m glad you asked because we wanted to break it down for yall.
Anthony’s expectations of Sheena:
Hey, it’s Anthony here and I want to provide a little insight into my thoughts on expectations and gender roles within our marriage. I must first say, that in marriage there isn’t a one size fits all. You and your partner must do what works best for your relationship. Over the years, I’ve learned we usually do what we observe or are taught in our homes while growing up. My parents worked together as a team, so I knew when I got married I would do the same with my wife. Sheena and I are a team, and I don’t have any expectations of her other than the ones mentioned above. We operate as equals, it’s like we’re two LeBrons (we are both the star player of the team). Us working this way makes our marriage run smoother and no one feels overwhelmed, unappreciated or that the burden rests solely on their shoulders.
Sheena’s expectations of Anthony:
My expectations are pretty simple. If Anthony respects me, is honest with me and supports/encourages me then everything else will fall into place. I don’t worry about the expectations for him to take out the trash or other household chores because I’m just as capable of doing those things too. We’re truly an equal team, and no one has more power, control or say so than the other. We work together to figure things out as well as to accomplish goals. I’m not sure about Anthony calling us both LeBron. I’m thinking that was a dig at me because I’m a Kobe fan, but I understand where he’s coming from. We’re both All-Stars. Honestly, this type of marriage wouldn’t work for everyone, and that’s understandable. We just want others out there like us to know that it can and does work, but it requires both people to be extremely selfless, humble and have the willingness to follow sometimes instead of lead. Remember, it’s great to have expectations, but make sure you’re not setting yourself up for premeditated resentment.
Let us know if you like this style of blog post where you hear from both Hutch and Stew.
Until next time loves…