Truth Tuesday – Why I THOUGHT I Said I Do

I’ve previously mentioned the OWN docuseries Black Love. It has been such an amazing series. Anthony and I put away our phones, watch together and discuss. Earlier this week, the Black Love IG page posed the question “Why did you say I do”. I thought about it, and it turns out I didn’t get married for the same reasons I’m still married. This week’s Truth Tuesday I want to discuss the differences between why I said I do and why I’m still married.

It’s been a year and a half since I said I do, and it’s been an amazing ride! The ride has had its ups and downs, but it’s been fun. Last night, I told Anthony about the question and asked him why he said I do. I’m sure you want to know his response, and I’ll reveal that on another Truth Tuesday, but today it’s all about Stew. Anthony then asked me the question, but made it clear that he wanted a serious answer. I’m a real life jokester, and I admittedly throw humor in situations that don’t require it. I thought about the question, but I couldn’t come up with an answer. Listen, this is VERY rare because I ALWAYS have something to say. I talk A LOT!!!

I’ve been thinking of why I said I do and I guess it was the natural progression of things. Yeah, I loved Anthony, but that was the easy part. I’ve previously talked about how I never thought I’d get married, but after dating Anthony four and a half years prior to getting engaged, I was ready for the next step. I was ready to be connected forever and “do life” with him. I was ready to be a wife and define what that meant for our relationship. Yall know I will continue to say there is NO BLUEPRINT for being a wife. We come in different packages. The weirdly wrapped ones like me are just as much a wife as the domestic goddesses of the world. We ALL are great! It was going to be a new role for me, and I was ready to tackle it, and be the best wife this world’s ever seen.

Looking back, those are pretty BASIC reasons to get married. As a married person if someone told me those were their reasons to get married I’d probably say, “girl, are you sure you want this???” My reasons for staying married have a lot more substance behind them, and I’m kind of ashamed I was so shallow regarding this subject just two years ago (when we got engaged). During my short time as a wife I’ve quickly learned this life is no longer my own. I now must take someone else into consideration regarding everything I do. That is pretty heavy! I don’t think anything can be more intense other than parenthood (which I have yet to experience).

Staying married is WORK, but I’m here for it! I’m staying married because I love solving problems with Anthony through intense, unfiltered, raw discussions. I’m not sure how a discussion about what we’re eating turns into an hour and a half breakthrough conversation where you realize man I need to work on that, but hey that’s marriage. It’s about breakthroughs that you didn’t know you needed. It’s about those moments when you’re watching tv and look over at them and I think man I’d legit give my life for this person. It’s about those times when you start laughing and you can’t stop and then you bring it up 6 months later and it’s just as funny. It’s about that intense feeling you get when they touch you. It’s about being trapped in a cave for days and throwing away the key, because you have all you need to survive. It’s about the WHOLE experience. The good days, the great days and the down right rotten days when the sight of them makes you take a LONG, STRONG INHALE. It’s about the secret that you have, and no matter how many adjectives and adverbs you use to describe it, it will NEVER be deep enough to describe what you’re really experiencing.

Back to Anthony and I in the car and he says, why did you say I do. I said, for reasons that weren’t good enough, but I didn’t know that back then. Because I had no clue what was around the corner (marriage) was so intense that me, a wordsmith, would have NO words that could adequately describe how I feel about you, us and the wife version of me.

So, I ask yall…Why did you say I do?

Until next time loves…

27 thoughts on “Truth Tuesday – Why I THOUGHT I Said I Do

  1. I haven’t said I do. But I’ll tell you why I said I DONT. Because my feelings were no longer important, marriage seemed more like the next step but not the BEST step. I would’ve been settling just to say I did it.

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  2. I said I do for the wrong reasons and now have been divorced for 10 years. I’ve been dating the same guy for several years now and while he’s ready to say I do, I have to make sure it’s for the right reason the second go round. Thanks for sharing!

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  3. I had recently moved home after college and I fell in love with my husband, I knew from living on my own and tackling life on my own for a couple of years that I knew I didn’t want to be by myself. However, like you said falling in love was the easy part, marriage is work…and after everything we have been through I realize that we needed each other in more ways than we thought we did and there is no one that I would want to tackle life’s journey with besides him!

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  4. I am not married, I came close once and called it off due to infidelity. But before he broke the glass house, he was my everything and I wanted to enjoy and tackle this thing called life with him. But that didn’t happen lol Great article, I loved it!

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  5. I was 18 years old and I got married for love after dating for two years. I loved him 100% and he loved me 100%. The problem is you can’t sustain a marriage solely on love. It didn’t last, should I do it again and it will be for so many other reasons.

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  6. I went to a black love event in Los Angeles: Erica Campbell and her husband, the creators of the show, Devon Franklin (megans good husband), and an actor from insecure and his wife were on the panel. I think this is a great show to have on TV because it shows the good, the bad and the ugly. I appreciate you being honesty about the before but glad to hear that you have evolved and your love may have been intensified further into the marriage. Marriage is a beautiful thing but im pretty sure it is not easy.

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